As mentioned here a few weeks ago, the Lady Friend and I are now engaged. After I wrote that post as well as the one about the toot candle last week, I thought it would be a good idea to have her write a post. A post about HER side of the whole getting married story.
I have to say… after reading it. I’m a bit scared. Here she is:
HERE COMES THE BRIDE
by the Lady Friend
I’m sure you’ve all heard the bad news by now. Yeah, I’m tying the knot. Wait, did I write bad news?
After seeing life as I know it slowly slip away, I couldn’t help but think of the things I will no longer be able to do or say once I’ve made that fateful step. For example, sarcastically telling my married friends with kids… “Yeah, really sucks that I’m unmarried without kids and get to do whatever I want every day,” is a thing of the past.
Same goes for the times I’m asked to do housework and boldly reply, “Do you see a ring on my finger?” And what about when Brad Pitt’s car breaks down and he stops by to use the phone? I won’t be able to answer the door in my best Victoria’s Secret lingerie, “Husband? Oh I’m not married, please, come on in.”
But in all reality, it’s not THAT bad. After all, I now have the means to finally be the Bridezilla I’ve aspired to be.
I’m screwed right?
During the next few months I plan to make my wedding the most significant event of 2013. First thing is to refer to it as MY wedding, because it is after all MY day. The statement “you will not ruin MY wedding!” shall be uttered numerous times over the next few months and can occur at any moment on the actual wedding day.
My plan is to run this shindig as if it’s my own personal empire and each person in my bridal party is an unpaid intern.
All plans for a bridal shower and bachelorette party will be micro-managed by me — no decisions will be made without my prior approval. Each of these parties will be held in inconvenient locations on absurd dates and times that are only convenient to me.
I will schedule the bridesmaid dress fitting for a day where an ice storm is expected. This fitting, of course, will occur five months before the actual wedding and my expectation will be that the dresses appropriately fit. I will insist that no one gains weight and for those who cannot fit into a size 4 or smaller will be forced to lose weight by all means necessary.
Two weeks before the bachelorette party is to take place, I will be changing it’s destination to be somewhere out of state, maybe Vegas? I will expect everyone to drop what they are doing, pay for their flight, and make this trip memorable.
Registering for gifts will be an experience since I’ll pick out everything that’s difficult to find in local area stores. Everything on the list will be chosen by yours truly, for yours truly. SD can be happy with his old underpants full of holes and a 20-year old drill that barely works.
I’m sure you all have at least one bridezilla story with some bride uttering… “This is MY wedding, we’ll do it the way I want!” and now it’s my time.
Uh oh. I’m assuming she’s kidding… sort of… she has to be right?