The Simple DudeA Simple Dude in a Complex World

You know what I am really good at?  Other than complaining?  Sleeping.  You know what I am not so good at?  Falling asleep.  I’ve never been one of those “asleep before my head hits the pillow” kind of people.  The amount of time I lie there TRYING to sleep before ACTUALLY sleeping ranges from 15 – 60 minutes.  In extreme cases in can be a few hours, with me getting up an watching TV, reading or surfing the internet in between bouts of tossing and turning.  But I won’t surf porn.  Porn in the dead of the night is just creepy!

I do this all the time.

When I do sleep, I dream.  Vivid, bizarre, often humorous dreams of the most random shit you can imagine.  I’ve always remembered my dreams which can be both a good thing and a disturbing thing.  And the things I find funny in my dreams are generally stupid as hell when I wake up – even by my own immature humor standards.

I can’t count how many times I have thought to myself in those first moments after waking that I need to write down something I said or did in a dream because it was so damn funny.  Then as reality creeps in and I become a little more alert I realize it’s not funny.  At all.  Like a farting duck.

Ok, you got me, that never happened… I can only WISH I’d dream about something as funny as a farting duck.

But this week I had a couple funny dreams that stood up to the bright lights of the next day.  One of them involved the Lady Friend and myself in Vegas.  Have I mentioned Vegas is one of my favorite cities in the world.  It is.  I’ve been there about a dozen times and am always itching to go back.  In this dream we were wandering around the casino where we were staying and stumbled onto a small hole in the floor.  Inside this hole was a wad of cash.  As any sane person would do, I quickly grabbed the cash.  I didn’t bother counting, just stuffing it in my pocket as quickly and nonchalantly as possible.

Then I noticed a dude all the way across the casino coming towards me – he’d seen me snag the money.  Even from quite a distance this guy looked unsavory.  He was the stereotypical mafia type: big, dumb, mean and ugly.  Not the kind of dude you want to mess with.  So we got the hell out of there darting and dodging between slot machines and people.  I knew he was far enough away that he didn’t get a good look at either of us so I told the Lady Friend to head to up our room while I hit the streets to lose him that way.  I had the money and he saw me grab it so I knew he would follow me.. which he did.

Hee Hee.

Out on the strip this guy kept following, though still from a distance as I can be pretty quick when being chased by a thug!  I quickly ran around a corner and into the side door of a casino before this hoodlum could see where I went.  My first thought was GET RID OF THIS CASH.  Anyone who has ever been in a casino knows that a quick way to do that would be to put it into a slot machine and then “cash out” to get one of those receipts you bring to the cashier.  At least I wouldn’t have a wad of cash on me anymore.  But no… I decided I wanted to spend it on food.  Lots of food.  All that running made me hungry so I stopped at every food stand, eating everything I could.  Then in my dream wisdom I decided I needed a costume so I bought a giant wig, some bright goofy clothes and over-sized sunglasses.

This idea worked… I walked right past the bad dude who was standing on the corner looking for me.  When I got back to the hotel room my Lady Friend was pissed off at me for spending all the money (along with some of my own) on that random crap.  I guess me being alive wasn’t good enough for her.

Then I woke up, giggling.

SD