I used to always joke around that if there is a Heaven… and I am lucky enough to be let in the front gates, there is something I need to do immediately.
No I won’t hug my grandparents, parents or old pets from when I was kid. And I won’t stop to ask God why my taste buds loved cheese so much, despite my digestive system never being a fan. All those things can wait.
The first order of business for when I cross through the pearly gates is to go looking for my older ancestors. Probably my great-great-great grandparents. And when I find them? I’m going to punch them right in the nose.
Why the animosity? Because these people got up and left their homes in Europe. Most likely Germany and Norway based on my bloodlines. They left these cold, snowy climates in search of a better life so they crossed the Atlantic ocean with the hopes of finding their own American dream. And where did they decide to settle once they landed in the new world? In a place that is even colder and snowier than where they came from.
These people had their choice to live anywhere they wanted. Florida, Arizona.. hell they could have taken a boat to Hawaii if they really wanted to. But nooooo… they decided Minnesota was the place to be!
So here I am. Yes I know I am a grown-ass man (as the kids say) and have free will to move. But I’m lazy. The point is these people chose to live somewhere with a miserable climate when they had the whole damn country laid out in front of them. They deserve a punch in the mouth. And maybe a quick knee to the balls.
To prove my point… last week on my way to work I took this photo of the temperature gauge in my truck:
Yeah, it reads -10. That’s 10 degrees below zero. Fahrenheit! For you Canadians that’s like -109 Celsius or some shit like that. I thought it was worthy of a photo. That is until the next morning as I was heading in to work and saw this:
-12 degree Fahrenheit. Or -145 Celsius… give or take a few degrees. That is balls-climbing-back-up-inside-you cold right there.
The weird thing is that five days earlier it was 40 degrees here, and back to 40 on Monday of this week. Now they’re predicting lows of -10 again for tomorrow.