New Years Eve – A Simple Dude’s Poem

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays | Posted on 31-12-2012

You have almost made it, another year into the books.

Just don’t be a drunken fool tonight and earn dirty looks.

In 2012 I laughed, I cried and drank lots of beer.

I still complain, but really, it was a pretty good year.

Starting tomorrow I’ll work out, eat less and maybe stop drinking.

And while saying that, if you look closely, you may catch me winking.

I look forward to every year, another chapter in life’s folder.

I’d be even more excited if I wasn’t forced to grow older.

Hopefully all of you are feeling the same way,

Smiling and laughing as we head towards a better day.

And do what you will on this New Years Eve night,

Join me in tipping a glass…  because everything is alright.

 

Happy New Year kids!

Cut me some slack on this poetic attempt, I wrote it in about 10 minutes (barely awake) before leaving for work this morning.  Yes, I have to work at least a half day or so.  And yes,  it does suck.

SD

Wait, McRib is Back? Oh Hell Yeah!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Food | Posted on 27-12-2012

A couple years ago I posted about a sort of guilty-pleasure food for me.  Something that only comes around once every year or two.  I know they look gross and sound disgusting, but I do truly love the McDonald’s McRib sandwich.

And the other day I saw a commercial saying it is BACK!  Exciting!  Since I’m on “vacation” today… here is that old McRib post from the fall of 2010.  Some classic Simple Dude:

McRib Monday

Today was a good day…  I had the day off.  I chose to spread my remaining vacation days out so that including Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years I won’t have to work a full week the rest of the year.  Most weeks will only be 3 days long.  Woohoo!  So I’ll have a lot of time to either:

A)  Be productive and get things done around the house.

B)  Lay around and be lazy watching lousy daytime TV.

Which would you do?  Today I managed both productivity and laziness.  It was great.  I finished cleaning the garage and organized my closet.  Then for lunch I had a McRib.  You know, the Ribby goodness sold by McDonald’s for a limited time only.  Of course in three years they’ll bring it back again.  For some reason I always have McRib cravings when I see those ads on TV.  The sandwich itself is not anything special, or even a good meal.  It’s ok… average at best.  But something about it’s sloppy uniqueness sucks me in every time they bring it back to their menu.

I dont know if this is special to my part of the country or not, but when you order a McRib value meal they offer you a second McRib for just $1.  I cannot possibly conceive of a world where I would say no to an offer like that.  No I did not eat both McRibs and the fries for lunch.  I showed some restraint and put one of them in the fridge..  probably for dinner.  Yes indeed, it is a McRib Monday.  Don’t judge me.

The lady friend texted me earlier to see how the day off was going and I texted back the details of my McRib Monday situation.  She takes night classes on Mondays so she texted to say she was glad to be missing the “aftermath” of my McRib Monday.  I said she is probably right, and I think I used the term “McToot”.

The second McRib is still in the fridge.  After typing this post I am starting to rethink eating it, at least not today.  You know, give my system a chance to recover.

Ahhh shit, who the hell am I kidding.  I’m all over that sauce-covered-imitation-meat-between-two-stale-bun’s bitch ass.

SD

(and yes, I am going out to get a McRib for lunch today!)

p.s. I may have some special news for everyone next week about a change in my personal life…  stay tuned.

The Only Christmas Songs That Matter.. To Me

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays, Music | Posted on 24-12-2012

I am a music savant.  Not in terms of playing or singing – I’d have better luck carrying a pickup truck then carrying a tune.  But I’m good at recognizing who sings a song, especially from the 1960′s to 1990′s.  In a few notes I can usually tell you who sang it, the year it came out, the album it’s from and some stupid useless fact about the band.

It’s both a gift and a curse… I used to get texts from friends all the time asking who sang some random song they heard somewhere.  Thankfully that has slowed down.  Now I just get texts from friends too stupid to download the Shazaam app.

I got one of those texts yesterday from a friend wanting to know about a Christmas song, which made me think about all my holiday favorites.  I like old classics, but for some reason my favorites are less traditional.  Although each of these still get a stocking-load of radio airplay this time of year so if you like Christmas music at all you’ll know these.

Here are my top five favorites… even though I’m already sick of this music!

5. Band Aid – Do They Know It’s Christmas

It’s a group of mostly British singers who were among the most popular performers in the world when it came out in 1984.  The lyrics of this song are good, though not great.  But what matters about this song is the message, which is still important today.

 

4. Nat King Cole – The Christmas Song

This is the only “classic” song on this list because I couldn’t bring myself to leave it off.  There are lots of versions of The Christmas Song, but it’s perfect for Nat’s voice.  You know… he was too good of a singer to deserve being named after a tiny annoying bug.

 

3. The Eagles – Please Come Home For Christmas

I love The Eagles.  They are one of my favorite bands of all time and they do a great version of this old Bluesy Christmas tune.  It’s one of the few holiday songs I can listen to any time of year without getting all pissy.

 

2. Bruce Springsteen – Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

There are not many singers out there cooler than The Boss and his take on this classic is a perfect example of that.  The fact that it’s live is what does it… I love how Bruce  starts laughing while “Santa” is doing his Ho Ho Ho thing.  Side note, Santa sure loves his Ho’s doesn’t he?

 

1. John Lennon – Happy Christmas (War Is Over)

Few songs can bring tears to my eyes, but this one can.  Despite living through some turbulent times, John Lennon still saw beauty in the world and always had optimism for peace and love.  He made the world a better place.  As simple as it is, this song makes me want to believe that peace is possible, and maybe… just maybe… war will truly be over in 2013.

Honorable mentions that just missed the cut… Elvis – Blue Christmas, Bruce Springsteen – Merry Christmas Baby, Brenda Lee – Jingle Bell Rock and Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime.  What did I miss?

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

P.S.  and go check out my new humor book.  You knew that was coming right?

No One Here But Us Chickens

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Random Simplicity | Posted on 20-12-2012

Last weekend I was doing some Christmas shopping and stopped at the local big box bookstore.  That is always a bad idea because I love books and can spend a hell of a lot of money there.

I like a variety of fiction… humor, horror, thriller and cheesy mysteries being my favorites.  I like a lot of non-fiction too, like biographies, history or any book that can teach me a little something-something.  I wish I had the time to read as much as I would like but life gets in the way.  I have to work.  And I have to sleep.  And poop.  All these things take away my reading time.

And don’t tell me I can read and poop at the same time… that’s just gross.

I survived this trip to the bookstore without buying anything for myself, which is a rarity.  But I did come across this little surprise:

Cock-A-Doodle Doo To You Too!

Extraordinary Chickens!  I don’t know much about chickens, other than they taste damn good in buffalo sauce.  I think the title of this book is suggesting that most chickens are ordinary.  But if you want to find extraordinary ones, you need look no further.  Just what does it take to make an extraordinary chicken?

I don’t know.  I didn’t open the book.  I snapped this photo quickly while waiting in line to check out and in hindsight I really wish I had opened it because now I may never know.  Does the book feature chickens playing poker?  Do they drive cars?  Can they do my taxes?

By the looks of the chicken on the cover maybe they are extraordinary because they formed a cover band specializing in 1980′s Hair Bands.  Maybe they just lay a shit load of eggs.  How many is a shit load?  I have no idea.  I grew up in north Minneapolis which is about as far from a farm as a dude can get.

The bottom line is that this book has me curious and if anyone decides they want to buy me a Christmas present this wouldn’t be a horrible idea.  And if you happen to come across a book called Extraordinary Monkeys you sure as hell better let me know!

SD

P.S.  Have you been over to Indie Chicks to see the latest excerpt from my humor book about the Apocalypse?  Well you better damn well hurry!

 

What Cold White Hell Is This?

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in House | Posted on 13-12-2012

Last weekend I wrote a post about the snow event we were having.  At the time I wrote the post I was estimating we had about 5 inches of snow on the ground.  Turns out that was just a taste.  A little white powdery tease.

Side note…   “little white powdery tease” was my nickname in college, but that is a post for another day.

At around 10:00am Sunday morning I opened my back patio door, snapped this photo and posted it on my blog:

And that was merely the appetizer as the snow kept-a-coming.  Late that afternoon I snapped this photo:

Right before I took that photo I went outside to do some shoveling .  To my dismay the unthinkable happened.  Yep… this:

Yes the shovel snapped IN HALF like some kind of freakin’ toothpick.  I guess I don’t know my own strength.  Of course it’s my own stupid fault for not using my snow blower to begin with.  Yes… I own a snow blower and yet I was out there shoveling.  There is something manly about the first big snowstorm of the year and being out there shoveling.  Stupid.  The snow blower was much better.  And I am still a man… mostly.

The next morning when all was said and done I estimated about 13 total inches of the cold white hell dropped onto my driveway and sidewalk.  I opened the back door one more time to take this photo:

Amazing.  Even by Minnesotan standards.  By midnight Sunday the snow was all done falling but the commutes to and from work were still shitty on WEDNESDAY.  Ugh.

Oh well… global warming was fun while it lasted.

SD

 

Got Shovel? Come On Over!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in House | Posted on 09-12-2012

We’re getting the first real snow fall of the season here in our new house. I’ve already gone out and shoveled once and the way it looks will be back out there again later tonight.  Our dog TOWPO has been in the back yard eating it all morning.  Weird dog.

After I shoveled the driveway I regretted not taking a photo first, then realized I could be lazy and snap a photo out the back door.

The local weather people are calling it Snow-mageddon. I prefer Snow-pocalypse.

I’m guessing we have about 5 inches of this crap so far and it’s showing no signs of stopping.  Good thing I have some corn for popping.  And the lights are turned way down low…. so…

Tie A Bow… Do Some Blow… Let It Snow!

SD

P.S. Have you liked my book on Facebook yet?  Will  ya?  Please?

 

It’s My Ho Ho Home

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays, House | Posted on 05-12-2012

A few weeks ago the Lady Friend and I decided to attempt something that neither of us have ever done.  At least not on our own.

Put up Christmas lights.

I would not like a house like this. Well.. ok, maybe just a little.

We both like Christmas lights, but between laziness (on my part) or living in town homes / apartments (on her part) we never had the opportunity to do it in the past.  And now having our house together, and this being our first holiday season living in this house, we decided to give it a try.  Though at 5pm last Saturday I was regretting this decision big time.

For starters, when we were still talking about putting up lights the weather was warm, unseasonably so.  Like late September nice, even though it was actually late November.  Then by the time I got around to actually doing it the weather had turned – including one day with a high temp of about 20 degrees.  Ironically this past Monday, the day AFTER we put the finishing touches on the lights the temp was back to 60 degrees.  Figures.

But the finger freezing, ladder slipping, icy roof weather was only part of the reason I was pissed.  It was the indecision that really bugged me.  The Lady Friend and I both were to blame since we had never done this before.  Lights went up, lights came down.  Then more lights went up, followed by those coming down to be moved elsewhere.

The Lady Friend and I don’t fight.  We just don’t.  Whenever one us is being irritating we call them out on it, which usually results in us laughing about it.  It’s probably the only relationship I have ever been in with this kind of track record.  And Saturday put us to the test.

But I got over it and the end result was a house we’re pretty happy with.  We wanted subtle – no Clark Griswold Christmas Vacation shit here.  And I think we got it.

Simple and Subtle. Just like me.

Especially considering this was our first time – we really had no idea what we wanted until we saw it hanging.  It would be complete with lights around the garage doors but with vinyl siding and a vinyl door frame I will need to get really creative in how they are hung.  Maybe next year, as I get closer to Griswold status.

If you look really close you can see TOWPO (The One Who Poops Outside) the dog sitting in the window of the front door wondering what the hell her two owners are doing standing in the middle of the damn street.

Now if we could only get some SNOW then it would actually look like Christmas.  If we do I’ll share another photo.

Ohh…. and one more thing.  Head on over to www.101Apocalypse.com to see another excerpt from my new humor book 101 Things To Do Before The Apocalypse.  And remember, bloggers can get a FREE copy!  Click here for details.

SD