Long time followers know I used to post about this stupid catalog my Lady Friend would get in the mail. It featured some of the more interesting items I’ve ever seen – though rarely anything I would consider buying.
We hadn’t been getting those catalogs in the mail for some time, but suddenly out of the blue we got one a few weeks back. I think it took them some time to figure out we moved. Thankfully they did. In this most recent edition they included a record book… a “What My Family Should Know” record book.
It has sections for you to add info on your insurance, financial accounts, attorneys, etc. That way your family will have all that info in the event you get run over by a manure truck on the way to work. Now THAT would be a shitty way to die.
The whole thing got me thinking. Sure, I can see leaving a list of bank accounts and credit cards behind. After all, some poor sap will be stuck paying off my debt. But in the event I get attacked by a pack of rabid hyenas while buying my Fruit Loops at the grocery store, I’ll also have a completely different list that is much longer… What I Hope My Family Never Finds Out.
For instance.. back in high school before I had my own car, I used to borrow my dad’s truck. Bad things were done inside, outside and on top of that truck. And that time someone dinged the door while it was parked at the mall? Yeah, that was actually me. But it wasn’t caused by another car, it was one of my buddies who drunkenly slipped on some ice and fell into it. With his head. He was ok, but the door wasn’t. Who would have thought a head-shaped dent could pass for a door ding?
Then there were the times we put vodka in those little hairspray spritzer bottles for a little “spike” between classes. Personally I never used hairspray, but friends of mine did. Don’t judge, it was the 80′s.
Lastly there was that time my folks went out of town and I met a hooker. Her pimp got upset with me and eventually took all my parent’s furniture including my mom’s big football shaped crystal ornament. The hooker and I threw a huge party, introducing all her hooker friends to my “willing to pay” friends. We made enough money to just barely get all the furniture back, including the ornament, right before my folks got back home.
Or wait… was that the movie Risky Business? hmm… either way, not something I’d want my family to find out.