The other day I heard a crazy story on local morning radio. It involved an unstable dude in New Zealand who was stalking his ex girlfriend in a very unusual way. From inside her own house.
He built a trapdoor under her house that he used to get inside a crawl space under her stairs. He’d hang out in this space to keep tabs on her, even cutting holes into closets to get access into her house when she wasn’t home.
The police got him before he could actually hurt her or anyone else. And when they did they found bedding, food, candles, clothes and some makeshift weapons in his little space under the stairs.
This whole thing is creepy and I’m glad they got the sick bastard before anything terrible happened. But the story gave me an idea.
There is a little bakery near our new house in Maple Grove, MN called Nadia Cakes. They have the most amazing cupcakes you’ll ever eat. The owner was the winner on the show Cupcake Wars on the Food Network. I don’t have any people in my life worthy of stalking, but I do LOVE me some cupcakes.
I am considering a trap door that would allow me to hind out in the cupcake closet of this place. I don’t know if a cupcake closet is a real thing or not. But in my mind it is… and it’s magical.
I’ve already started working on my master plan…
That’s the cupcake shop – or at least one hell of a rendition of what it looks like. I bet you can almost taste the fabulous frosting right?
I plan to put up a tent on the ground next door. Nothing fancy, in fact the more plain and drab the better. On this tent I will hang a sign that says “Homeless. Please Help.” This is to be sure no one, and I mean no one, not even the police, will go near it. Right?
But that tent is no ordinary tent. It’s hiding my secret tunnel that will lead me right into the cupcake closet. Ohhh… it’s going to be awesome!
Yes, that’s me crawling on my hands and knees as I head for the tasty nirvana. Oddly enough, my hair looks exactly like that. And yes I have a giant smile on my face because once I get into the cupcake closet I’ll be able to come and go as I please, sneaking all that baked goodness whenever I want.
You know what… this plan could also work for my local liquor store. I wonder if they have Whiskey Closet?
Wish me luck! And vote for this post over at Dude Write!