Moving “Sensitive” Items

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Family | Posted on 26-06-2012

As I mentioned yesterday my Lady Friend and I are in the middle of a move right now… so I’m sharing an old post of mine that goes back to the when I first moved in with her in 2010.

And also as mentioned yesterday… the post involves a big box-o-porn.  Enjoy!

Well we’re moving on up!!

No, not to “The Eaast Siiiide” as The Jefferson’s theme suggests.

(for those of you too young to know that TV show, your homework assignment is to spend more time watching crappy old TV shows and less time on the internet)

I am all moved into the lady friend’s place now.

The move was ok, maybe a little easier then most since I got rid of so much junk over the last few weeks.  I had a friend helping with some of the heavy stuff and my parents helped as much as they could, with the lady friend helping to unpack and organize my stuff at her pad.  And with the place as empty as it is I really start to realize what a shitty housekeeper I am.  Little dust bunnies behind dressers, desks, couches, TV, etc.  And what is it about computers that just attract dust?  Disgusting.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life but neat-freak isn’t one of them.  However I am not a slob either.. I clean on a semi regular basis and try to keep the place looking decent.  But I guess it had been a while since I moved some shit around!  So a damn good cleaning is on the to do list before the renters move in.

There was a potentially embarrassing moment.  Early Saturday morning while pulling some stuff out of the closet I came across something every single guy (many women too) has, or HAD at some point in their lives.  A box of porn.  This was stuff I hadn’t thought about or looked at in many years.  I didn’t want any of it so I stuffed it into a couple shoe boxes and taped them shut.  I intended to drop it all to the bottom of my garbage can and pile more stuff on top.  Then I decided it wouldn’t hurt to keep one DVD…  why not right?

So I set that aside.  I got distracted by something, and set the whole lot on the stove where it sat literally all day as I was hauling stuff in and out, making a couple trips to the new place.  Towards the end of the day I saw the shoe boxes and extra DVD still sitting in the same spot.  The separate DVD was hidden under the shoe boxes where I left it – my 70 year old mom had been helping me pack up stuff in the kitchen and apparently never saw it.  I grabbed it quickly and ran out to throw it in my car.  Whew – embarrassment averted!

A little while later I was making a quick pass through the house and saw the single dirty DVD sitting on a table in the living room.  Apparently in my haste to grab the naughty stuff and get the hell out of there I dropped the DVD.  One of my parents must have found it and put it on the table.  I stuffed into a bag out of sight, but it was too late – the damage had been done.  They didn’t say anything about it and I sure as hell didn’t either.  Maybe it’ll get brought up at Thanksgiving…  sigh.

Get instant updates on the world of a Simple Dude on Twitter:  @TheSimpleDude   Or just piss off.  I don’t care.


Closing Time

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Lady Friend | Posted on 25-06-2012

I’m going to be a bit scarce here this week.  We close on our house today at 1pm and that’s when the craziness starts.  We have to be moved out of the town home and have it all cleaned up and ready for our renters by Thursday night.  Time to see what kind of crazy shit is growing under the couch… ewww!

As it is the house is currently a jumbled mass of boxes – the dog is kind of freaked out.

Since we may have a day or two without internet I probably won’t have a new post this week but will still be on Twitter @TheSimpleDude if any of you want to hit me up.  Maybe I’ll even tweet a pic or two of the new place.

HOWEVER….  I have a special treat for you tomorrow.  I’m re-posting something I wrote when I moved in with my Lady Friend back in October 2010.  Lots of you are new since then, and I think you’ll like it, it’s funny and one of my all time favorite posts.

I’ll tease you with this… there is something all Dudes have had at some point in their lives, and at some point you were forced to make a decision on what to do with it.  What is it?

A box of porn.

Yep, I went there.  Oh, and yes I know some of you ladies have a box of porn too.  At least the cool ones do anyway.  Come back tomorrow to find out what I did with mine.



Time To Get My Move On

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Lady Friend | Posted on 21-06-2012

As I have mentioned a time or two, my Lady Friend and I bought a house together and are moving soon.  Next week to be exact.  She will keep her town home and rent it out – I still have my house I lived in before moving in with her, which I am also renting out.  This is a good thing since both of our homes aren’t worth squat right now with the housing market being what it is.  But that also means we’re getting a STEAL on our new place.

I have moved a lot in my adult life, about a dozen times in the last 18 years or so.  And man does it SUCK.  Almost all of those moves occurred back in my 20’s though.. I have been much more stable lately just moving twice in the last 8 years.

This will be the Lady Friend and I next week... who wants to help?

However, during that time many of my friends have moved.  Some have added kids to their families and needed a bigger place.  Others have gone through a divorce (oops) and needed a smaller space.

Often on the days they moved I was busy with work, family stuff or some other crap.  At least they think I was.  There may have been occasional days where I made up some work excuse to get out of helping a buddy move.  I wouldn’t put something like that past me.

And now here I am, faced with a big move myself and forced to ask friends for help.  Friends who I have shunned, some of them multiple times.  Friends who would probably never say it out loud, but probably hold some slight resentment towards me and my shunning ways.

And no, we’re not hiring a mover – although that would be the smart thing to do.  Since we just have a town home we figured we’d do it ourselves…  which may be precisely what we’re forced to do!

My past laziness is coming back to bite me in the ass…  anyone out there have a truck and some free time?




I Actually Ate At Chubbys

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Food | Posted on 19-06-2012

I did it.  I actually did it.  I…  Ate At Chubby’s.

If you read my post about this place last week you know what I am talking about.  If not, go back and check out this post.

Ok, I didn’t physically actually eat the food AT Chubby’s.  But I did convince the Lady Friend to swing by with me and get some take out.  Good thing too, the “dining room” was pretty rough..  as seen here:

Not exactly a "lunch rush" while we were there.

Yes, that is the entire dining room.  So take out was the way to go.  This is the menu… not just the takeout menu, the only menu.  It was a plain 8 1/2″ x 11″ piece of paper folded in half.

Looks like it was printed on an old-school dot matrix printer.

From what we could tell it was a family business.  We saw what appeared to be a mother and father working the kitchen and their 16 year old son took our order at the counter.  And by the way… all three of them fit the description of “Chubby’ so it’s hard to tell who the joint was named after.

After some thought, my Lady Friend decided to go with the Reuben  and I just HAD to know what the hell a Squealer is.  Has anyone heard of this before?  It’s basically a pork rib drum stick kind of thing.  I chose to get the Sweet Thai Chile dipping sauce, which comes on the side:

Still have no idea why it's called a Squealer.

I have to admit, I wasn’t too impressed with how the Squealers looked.  Kind of a grayish mass of meat.  But you don’t often see pork without BBQ or some other sauce on it, so I was willing to accept it’s unusual look as long as it tasted ok.

AND IT DID!  The sauce was good, a great mix of sweet & spicy.  Kind of like me.  My Lady Friend enjoyed her Reuben too.

We also split this double layered cookie sandwich thing.  It’s two chocolate chip & macadamia nut cookies with some sort of vanilla frosting squished into the middle and holy crap was it good.

Yes, it actually comes in a bag labeled COOKIE.

So there you go…  don’t judge a book or restaurant by it’s cover…  or it’s shitty marketing:

Too bad we’re moving next week or we’d definitely be back to Eat At Chubby’s again… seriously!


Sex Talk From My Dad

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Family, Holidays | Posted on 15-06-2012

Melissa at Life As A Monkey Mom tweeted out the following question on Wednesday… possibly to include answers in a Father’s Day themed post.

And I responded with a brief version of a story from my high school days.  It was a memory I had not thought about in many years, but when I did it made me laugh.  And with it being Father’s Day weekend – I figured it was as good of a time as any to share it with you!

This had to have been back when I was about 17 years old, probably just starting my senior year of high school if I remember right.  As kids who are bored in class tend to do, my buddies and I would pass notes to each other.  But for the most part the only thing on the notes were hand drawn pictures of penises.  Or nonsensical bragging about our fictional conquests with girls.  Remember, these were the days before cell phones.

Note To Kids:   People used to write notes to each other instead of texting.  Crazy huh?!?

However, on a rare occasion those conquests were truthful.  As in with myself and the girl I had just started dating.  And I had been bragging about her within this note.  At the end of the class I was the last one with the note so I stuffed it into my pocket.  Somehow later that night at home the note must have slipped out of my pocket.

I didn’t even realize it was missing, and had frankly forgotten all about it.  Until a couple days later when I was sitting at the kitchen table eating some cereal before heading out to school.  My dad just walks by, tosses the note on the table in front of me and says…

Hey.  Don’t go getting that girl pregnant.

And then walked away.  I was pretty embarrassed, especially thinking it was likely my mom who found the note and tasked my dad with talking to me.

That was seriously the one and only conversation he and I have ever had regarding sex.  Thanks dad!

Happy Father’s Day weekend to all you dads out there!

And on a side note.. have you been to Dude Write yet?  Check it out!  It’s a cool new blogging site for Dude writers like me.  But you don’t have to be a dude to read it… so no matter what your private parts look like, please go check it out!




Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Lady Friend | Posted on 13-06-2012

Every once in a while I defer to my Lady Friend to write a blog post for me… partly because I am lazy and partly because she is funnier than I am.  She should be writing her own blog, but she has very little free time between a full time job and taking classes at night.

And her classes are the inspiration for this short and sweet post…  in particular, the dreaded “group project” that her school is fond of handing out.  Enjoy!

I cringe every time I hear “group project”.  Whether it’s at work or at school I always end up with a bunch of fucktards.  And not the smart ones either, if there is such a thing.  No, I get the easily startled ones that stare at you with the “oops, I think I just pooped my pants” look on their face when you ask them for a suggestion.

I know I stress way too much about this stuff since I always assume it’s my ass on the line if things don’t get done on time and get done right.

Why can’t group projects work like they did in picking out teams in gym class?  For group projects I’d pick all the smart, great work ethic, dressed-by-mom kids first.  Leaving the one who’s left picking his nose and has an uncanny resemblance to Ralph Wiggum from The Simpsons to be picked last.

I’m sure many of you have encountered the group project in school or teamwork scenario at work at some point.  If so, please share.  I’d like to know if your experience ended with a group hug or a workplace massacre!

Thanks Lady Friend!  Also, as an update for regular readers… or at least those who read my post on Monday:  I will indeed be going to Eat At Chubby’s sometime soon to see what it’s all about – but I better do it VERY soon.  The little hand-made sign was gone this morning!  Hopefully that doesn’t mean the demise of Chubby.



Eat At Chubby’s?

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Food, Stupid People | Posted on 11-06-2012

There is a sign that is not too far from my house.  I see it a few times per week but never really slowed down enough to read what it said until last week.  And when I did, all I could do was laugh.

Then of course I had to double back, pull over and snap a quick picture of this sign.  The road it’s on gets plenty of traffic, so lots of people see it every single day.  Here is a close up:

This sign gives me a few thoughts:

1.  Apparently there is a restaurant called CHUBBY’S on 121st & University Avenue (according to the sign) which is just a few miles from my house.  I have driven past that intersection a handful of times in the last few months and have never even noticed a restaurant – yet this sign has been there for many months too.

2.  Come on, the sign looks like shit.  It’s hand written, stuck into the boulevard next to a major road.

3.  It’s doubtful that I would ever see a small hand written sign (that isn’t even fit for a yard sale) advertising a restaurant and think to myself “man I really want to eat there.”

4.  There is no way in HELL I would ever see a small hand written sign (that isn’t even fit for a yard sale) advertising a restaurant called CHUBBY’S and think to myself “man I really want to eat there.”

Seriously…  what are these people thinking?!?!

You know… this is so incredibly ridiculous that I might just have to actually go EAT AT CHUBBY’S.  First I’d have to find it as it seems to be well hidden.

What do you think?  Worth the risk?  Could make for some good blog material I guess – so I’d have to document my visit with photos!