There Is No “Rushing” During Rush Hour

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Work | Posted on 31-05-2012

I hate rush hour traffic.  It’s my least favorite thing about working.

I hate the idea of driving along at freeway speeds, only to slow to a near stop for seemingly no reason.

I hate the morons who bounce back and forth between lanes trying to get to their destination faster then everyone else.  I have watched these people, sometimes for miles and all that stupid bouncing back and forth gets them to their exit just a couple car lengths ahead of where they were before.  Meanwhile it pisses everyone off.

Sorry…  had to get that off my chest.  My commutes this week have been a bear.  I moved in with my Lady Friend in about a year and a half ago.  My old house was roughly 10 minutes from my job.  But my Lady Friend’s house is roughly 30 minutes from my job when there is no traffic and often it takes much longer.  That extra 20+ minute drive each way both sucks AND blows.

The weird thing that I will never understand is that the commute home is ALWAYS worse then the commute in to work.  Do a lot of people only work in the afternoons?  If so how the hell do I get that job??  But seriously, where are all those people in the mornings?

Though there seems to be a lot more cars driving home in the evening, the way the people drive in the mornings is worse – they are more aggressive.  This is something else I don’t get.  Why would they be in a bigger hurry to get to WORK then they are to get HOME?  Maybe some of them work jobs where they punch clocks, but not the dudes driving a Cadillac or Lexus.  There is no reason those people should be in that big of a hurry to get to work.

I’m the opposite.  I’ll take my sweet ass time getting to work…  they can deal with me getting there when I get there.  But after work?  Then I just want to get home.

After all, there is an ass imprint on my couch that is calling my name and all these a-holes jamming up the freeway are keeping me from it.

As much as I like to complain, my Lady Friend’s commute is worse than mine, so I definitely feel for her.  We’re moving in about 3 weeks and the new place is 10+ minutes closer to both of our jobs, which is a great thing.

Is your afternoon commute worse than your morning one?

And for those of you living in small towns with NO traffic……  you stink.




Rock Of Ages? Or Crock Of Crap?

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Music | Posted on 29-05-2012

Back in the mid to late 1980′s I was an impressionable teenager.  What does this mean?

It means I’m old.

But it also means I came of age during the height of the “hair band” era.  And yes, I was a willing participant.  In high school I bought the CD’s (and tapes before that), went to a ton of concerts and even had long hair.  Even before high school I knew I liked rock music – bands like Led Zepplin, Van Halen and Rush were early favorites of mine.

And then came Def Leppard.  And Bon Jovi.  And Poison.  At first those bands didn’t do it for me but I quickly discovered something very important….  chicks dug them.  And I dug chicks.  That was good enough for me!  It didn’t hurt that the girls who liked the rock bands seemed to be the hottest girls.  Hey, I was a teenage boy, what do you expect?

This is Poison, circa 1987 or so. Seriously, chicks were into this!

Soon I was buying music from those types of bands and going to see them in concert.  After awhile, the music grew on me.  There is nothing ground breaking about any of it and the bands weren’t out to change the world, but it was a fun time – it’s too bad I can’t post any of my teenage long hair photos without ruining my anonymity!  Though people that know me now probably wouldn’t recognize that version of me anyway.

As someone who lived through this time I’m completely uninterested in that new Tom Cruise movie Rock of Ages.  I know it’s based on the Broadway musical and I was completely uninterested in that too.  They both look awful.

In many ways those bands were tongue in cheek and truly should not be taken seriously.  Poking fun at those bands and that music makes sense…  I get that.  But if you’re going to make a movie highlighting that time and music why not make a GOOD one??  Instead of some crappy hair sprayed Glee wannabe piece of crap… which is exactly what Rock of Ages looks like.

The movie Rock Star with Mark Wallberg was good, as was Wedding Singer.  But beyond that there isn’t much showcasing the 80′s that’s worth watching.  Some may say that era of clothes, hair and music sucked anyway so why bother.  Sure, but I’ll argue the 90′s was even worse.

Someone needs to make a movie showcasing the 80′s the way Dazed And Confused highlighted the 70′s.  That movie was amazing.

That’s all I got.  Maybe one of you will go see Rock of Ages when it comes out and tell me I’m wrong.  But I doubt it.

Oh… and for those old enough to remember these, all of the following were big favorites of mine:

Motley Crue, Ratt, Tesla, Kix, Britny Fox, The Cult, Cinderella, Warrant, Skid Row, Dokken, Great White, LA Guns, Guns & Roses, Whitesnake and many more.

Am I alone in admitting this?


What Happens When The Network Doesn’t Work?

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Work | Posted on 26-05-2012

I don’t have much to post today, other than a quick rant.  Go figure right?  I work for a relatively small company – we only have about 130 employees.  Two of those employees run our IT department, which keeps them very busy.

Like most companies ourcomputers and keeping our network  online is extremely important to us.  And also like most companies, when the network goes down productivity goes into the toilet – which occasionally happens – but with the two IT geeks working we can generally avoid a crisis.

That is when they are there.

I'm sure I've seen this mouse pad on our IT geek's desk.

Once in awhile, for some reason, they will both take the same day off.  Friday was one of those days and (of course) shit went haywire.  A couple departments within our company suddenly became disconnected from the network, with no geeks there to help us.

Apparently the two guys each wanted a four day weekend, with Monday being a holiday and all.  I have no problem with them having a four day weekend – they both work pretty hard and deserve that break.  But why the hell couldn’t one of them take Friday off and the other one take Tuesday off?  It makes no friggin’ sense!

And this isn’t the first time this has happened.  A couple months ago they both took a day off and the network crashed then too.  At least on Friday we only had about half the staff working so it wasn’t a complete catastrophe.

Even so I just don’t get it.  Are IT guys stupid?  Or just assholes?

I kind of think it’s the opposite.  I think they plan these things out, so that the shit hits the fan when they are gone.  That way they can ride in on a white horse and rescue us – appearing as if they are completely indispensable.

Those sneaky little bastards.

Have a great holiday weekend!



It Must Be The Cheese

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Stupid People | Posted on 23-05-2012

If you live in the United States you know that there is something wrong with people in Florida.  I’m not saying every single person in Florida is nuts…  but the ratio of cuckoo to normal folks in Florida seems to be far higher than the rest of the country.  I am sure anyone who lives or has lived in the Sunshine State can verify this.

Think about it.  Anytime you hear bizarre, outrageous, ludicrous, oddball or weird stories about kooky people it’s usually in Florida.

I live in Minnesota and we have our own, lesser version of Florida right here in the Midwest.  We call it Wisconsin.  At least a couple times per week I hear about someone doing something idiotic in the land of cheese.  It often ends with them getting arrested and (shockingly) seems to usually involve alcohol.

A couple weeks ago it was this story:

– A man somehow got his car stuck in the mud in a farm field.  He couldn’t get it out, so instead he starts to cover the car in mud.  Maybe trying to camouflage it?  He didn’t stop there.  When the police found him he was naked from the waist down and had been also covering himself with mud too.  Seriously.  Read it for yourself:

– Then there was a 17 year old kid (also naked for some reason) who was walking right into people’s houses in the middle of the day and asking them for clothes.  After being turned away by a few different people he stole a car and drove it across town.  Naked.  If that were my car, when I got it back I’d rip the driver’s seat out and burn it.

I can’t find the link for that one, so you’ll have to take my word for it.

– Then last week I read about a 350 pound guy who made a big stink at an all you can eat fish fry.  He was literally cleaning them out, having had more than a dozen pieces of fish before the restaurant told him he was cut off.  As the writer of the article so eloquently states, the restaurant was “running out of fish and patience,” with the big guy.

Eventually he agreed to leave when the restaurant gave him 8 pieces of fish to take with him.  A couple days later he came back and picketed the place because they clearly didn’t offer all HE could eat.

That one you can read up on right here:

Minnesotans have a natural rivalry when it comes to Wisconsin, but as you can tell it’s a bit lopsided in the wacko, naked, drunken fish eating department.  I’m sorry to say, they’ve got us there.




Pizza For All Seasons!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Food, Stupid People | Posted on 21-05-2012

All around us we see proof that people are stupid.  It’s a phenomenon that won’t go away.  Which is bad for society, but good for bloggers – we get an endless supply of blog material, exemplified by my friend Brandon over at My Own Private Idaho.  He has a knack for finding stupidity in the world and sharing it with all of us.

Last week I came home to find a flyer rolled up in the front door of our house.  It was for a local pizza place called Chanticlear Pizza.  Their food is actually good so anytime they want to send me a coupon I’m willing to accept it.  Take a look at the flyer:

Upon close inspection I noticed something odd about the flyer.  On the top it advertises a SPRING / SUMMER SPECIAL they are offering.  And yes, just below that it says my neighborhood (lucky us) was selected to get the FALL / WINTER SPECIAL.

It seemed odd to mention specials for all four seasons in one flyer, so I came up with a few possibilities to explain this:

1. Their marketing dude is just plain cheap.  In his mind, he’s saving the company money by promoting specials that are still 6 months away.  Kind of like killing two birds with one cheap ass flyer.

2. The pizza joint is some kind of space / time transporter.  Most of the general public is forced to accept their Spring / Summer special… HOWEVER, when someone from my neighborhood comes in they are zipped back in time to last winter!  This is amazing!  I could go back and bet a shitload of money on the Super Bowl!

But less face it… the most likely possibility is this:

3. They are idiots.  My guess is they sped through the flyer process so fast that they didn’t notice the error, and still haven’t noticed.  Or if they did notice it wasn’t until after they were all printed.  That is no excuse by the way… we print marketing flyers at my job on occasion and something like this would cost just PENNIES to reprint.  That would be money well spent – if for no other reason than to avoid getting called out for being a moron on blogs!

Just when I think I am running out of ideas for the blog, some moron comes along and helps me out.  Thank God for Morons!



Random Thursday Thoughts

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Random Simplicity | Posted on 17-05-2012

Today I have a few random thoughts.  No, actually they are more like random rants…  I haven’t done any bitching in awhile, and need to get a few things off my chest!


I mentioned this on Twitter the other day, but my friend Jewels suggested I write about it in a post.  One thing that has been really bugging me lately is people who take photos of themselves while driving to use as profile pictures for Facebook, Twitter or whatever.  It’s as if they just hold the phone out and snap a photo – usually of them wearing sunglasses.

I don’t get this trend… can anyone explain it?  Please people, stop doing this.  It’s stupid.  I would rather see you use a profile pic with a clown nose, a black eye or a giant zit on your forehead!

Besides… shouldn’t you be DRIVING?!!?!


One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to social media (bigger than stupid profile pics) is people who write short, leading status updates that are obvious begs for attention, without actually saying anything.  I’ll give you a few examples:

Awesome!  I can’t believe that just happened!


This day really sucks.

They are begging for attention here – and unfortunately they usually get it with someone asking what’s going on.  I say don’t respond, ignore these desperate attempts for attention.  If they really have something to say, they will say it first and not go fishing for a response.  Who’s with me?


One more rant.  Most of the shows I watch on a regular basis I record on my DVR – including reality shows like Survivor and Celebrity Apprentice.  This creates a problem for me because every stinkin’ media website likes to SHOUT about who wins these shows the very next day.  And they don’t do it inside the article, they do it in the headline.

Why the hell can’t the headline just say “GUESS WHO WON CELEBRITY APPRENTICE?” and make you click through to find out.  Noooooo…. instead it has to say “STEVE & CINDY WIN THE AMAZING RACE!” which ruins the suspense for DVR people like me.  I thought the purpose of headlines was to entice you to click through, not give you all the info?  Morons.

By the way, I have managed to avoid all headlines and articles about who won Survivor – it’s on my DVR and I plan to watch it tonight or tomorrow.  So DON’T blow it for me!

Actually I don’t care all that much, this season was one of my least favorites.  But still..  seriously.. don’t blow it.


I Want To Be Scared

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in TV | Posted on 15-05-2012

I watch the show Ghost Hunters on the SciFi channel and have since it’s first season.  I know this may make me sound like a nerd, and a gullible nerd at that, but I believe that the things they are showing us are completely real.

There are lots of shows that chase ghosts and for the most part, I think they are bullshit.  But Ghost Hunters has always seemed more credible to me.  The two main dudes, Grant (who is leaving the show after this season) and Jason are actually plumbers by trade.  And they take their understanding of buildings, plumbing, wiring, heating and other non-paranormal things to their investigations.  Quite often they find logical reasons for the noises people are hearing and events they are experiencing.

This gives their show some legitimacy.  With every investigation they strive to debunk the claims of ghosts.  Only when they personally hear noises, see shadows or other weird stuff that can’t be explained by real world logic do they finally accept that a ghost may be screwing with people… as ghosts tend to do.

Those invisible bastards.

And yes, the Ghost Hunters guys will sometimes leave places telling the owners there are no ghosts – explaining to them what non-spooky stuff is actually happening in their homes, making them think it’s something ACTUALLY spooky.

I am not willing to admit I 100% believe in ghosts – but in some cases, something weird is definitely happening.

That’s why I want to go on a ghost hunt.  Other than traveling to see exotic parts of the world, I don’t have a whole lot on my bucket list.  I’ve done much of what I have wanted to do in life…  except see a ghost.

I am sure it would scare the crap out of me to actually see one.  I would jump and possibly run out of the building screaming like a school girl while pissing down my own leg.  But that’s part of the fun right?

Who’s with me?

In case you’re interested, I told a ghost story of my own hear once, about a stop the Lady Friend and I made at an old abandoned light house along the north shore of Lake Superior.