Quick, Follow Me!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Blogging | Posted on 29-03-2012

QUICK SURVEY:  HOW DO YOU FOLLOW ME?  What source do you use to get HERE to my posts?  Google?  Facebook?  Twitter?  Something else?

I’ve been hearing rumors for some time that Google Friend Connect will be RETIRED for all non-Blogger blogs.  I have a non-Blogger blog and it seems this is coming to fruition.  According to Google’s own website it was supposed to cut off on March 1st but I just went and looked on my Google Reader via my old Blogger dashboard and my posts are still showing up there for some reason.

But it’s safe to assume that won’t last long.  So if any of you are using Google Friend Connect to “FOLLOW” me you may want to explore some other options… you don’t want to miss out on any whining, bitching and ranting, mixed in with an occasional funny story or picture do you?  Good news!  There are PLENTY of options!

I am more likely to lead you into a bar, then off a cliff.

For instance….

Twitter: @TheSimpleDude


Those are probably the easiest ways.  Everything I post on this blog gets promoted through both of those outlets.  Adding me to your circles in Google Plus is another option, though admittedly I sometimes forget to post my stuff there… does anyone know of a WordPress plugin that does it automatically?

And the latest way to follow is easier than ANY of those other options.  You can have me come to you!  Like right there in your own email inbox!  I promise not to be too messy, though I can’t make the same promise of my bad manners or use of foul language.

Look over to the right… there is a little box saying SUBSCRIBE BY EMAIL to The Simple Dude and get an email every time I have a new post.  I won’t flood your inbox, I’m not one of those every day posters.  I keep it Simple (right?) only posting about 3 – 4 times per week.  As an added benefit, anyone who subscribes to my blog via email will get a DEEP discount for my new book coming out later this year!  So even if you follow in other ways you may want to get in on that list.

So long story short… those who have been following me via Google Friend Connect and reading this crap in your Google Reader will want to explore some other options or suffer the consequences of not being subjected to my idiocy.  And that would be a bad thing!

Thanks Simpletons!


My Nightly Conflict

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in TV | Posted on 27-03-2012

There seems to be an issue between my Lady Friend and I.  This is something I first recognized years ago when we started dating but it kind of went away and didn’t seem to be a problem.  Then when I moved in with her in 2010, it appeared once again.

For the first six months of living together we were able to laugh about it, assuming it would go away in time.  But lately I am starting to think there is a fundamental compatibility difference between us that may never go away, forcing one of us to make compromises that go against our beliefs.

Our DVR habits are completely different.

I may not be the most organized person in other areas of my life (my desk at work could audition for an episode of Hoarders) but when it comes to my DVR I do things strictly by the book.

Story of my life...

Here is what I mean…  when it comes to the episodic shows I watch regularly, I scroll down to watch the oldest show in the list first, always watching programs in chronological order.  So in other words I watch shows recorded on Monday before I’ll watch shows recorded on Wednesday.  I have to, it’s the way I’m wired.

And if I get behind and have two episodes of one show recorded and only one of another, I have to watch one of the two episodes I recorded, before watching the single one regardless of the days they were recorded.  Following me?

My Lady Friend on the other hand will open the DVR list and choose which show to watch all willy-nilly style based on what she feels like.  Sometimes that’s the oldest show, sometimes it’s a show that was just recorded an hour ago.

This is all well and good for the shows we each watch separately, but we watch at least half the shows we record together….  and it always leads to remote control drama.

Before you start ripping on me, I know that I am the weird one here.  It would be better to be able to just watch whatever the hell I want, but it’s not who I am.

Even though much of my life is chaotic, spontaneous and spur of the moment, my TV watching is not.  I just HAVE to watch my shit in order.

It is what it is.



A Dude In The Desert

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Vacation | Posted on 25-03-2012

As anyone who casually reads the babbling nonsense I put out here each week knows, I was on vacation a couple weeks ago.  My Lady Friend and I went to Arizona to visit my parents who are retired and spend their winters down there.  As any smart retired Minnesotan should do.

While we were there we took a drive up to Sedona, AZ for a couple days and it just reaffirmed my opinion that the red rock area up there is among the most beautiful parts of our entire country.  We’re into the whole outdoors, hiking thing and that part of the world offers almost unlimited opportunities.

Like any good blogger, I snapped some photos to share with you.  You can click on them to see bigger images.

Like this one…

This is just outside Sedona, about three miles from the nearest road.

And then this one….

Crazy purple cactus. Must be a Prince fan.

In Sedona we saw this weird thing outside of a gift shop..

I don't know what the hell this, but it kind of scares me.

After we got back to the Phoenix area we did one last hike up into the White Tank mountains just west of town.  This next one is looking down at the valley Phoenix sits in from about halfway up the mountains.  I was getting pretty sunburned so we had to turn around and head back down.

Yeah, I’m a pale dude.

All the smog in Phoenix makes the valley look like a Pink Floyd concert.

And on our last day in the Valley of the Sun we made a stop at good old McDonald’s and got one of my favorite seasonal foods…  the Shamrock Shake.  They always come out around St. Patrick’s Day for some reason.

I guess being green is the only connection, as I doubt there is anything Irish about it…. mainly because it’s non alcoholic.  ‘Cause you know Irish people… they like their booze!

Ohhh... what cold minty goodness!!

You could say it was a Desert Dessert.  Yeah, I know that was lame.  You can give me shit for that one.

Mix in some golfing and beer drinking and that’s pretty much the extent of my vacation.  So yeah…  have a good Sunday!



The Time I Saw A Guy Get Kicked Off A Plane

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Vacation | Posted on 23-03-2012

This is a follow up to Wednesday’s post about my airport experience… so it you haven’t read that one yet, you can go back and see it here.

So we get settled into our seats.  Our First Class seats.  Our big, comfortable, plenty of room to stretch out and scratch myself seats. And while people are still boarding around us the flight attendant stops them to ask if we would like anything to drink before takeoff.  Umm… hell yeah!  It may be 8:30am but it’s 9:00am somewhere.  I’ll take a Bloody Mary!  My Lady Friend was a little more sensible and just got a coffee.

How can I go back to flying coach now??

After we get settled and it appears that most if not all the people have boarded, we see the flight attendants huddled, speaking in hushed tones.  Uh oh, did someone make a mistake bumping us up to First Class?  Are we going to be pushed back into the (gasp) common people part of the plane?

 Side note:  when you are sitting in First Class you feel obligated to look at the common people walking by heading to their seats with a certain amount of disdain, as if they are beneath you. 

Even though 99% of the flights I’ve been on, have been in coach, I am still forced to act superior that 1% of the time.  It’s not my fault, I think it’s something about the air they pump into that part of the plane.

Then we realize the real reason for the hushed conversations as one of the flight attendants chews out the airline person working the gate entry.  Anticipating the overhead bins filling up, they had started telling people they had to check their carry-ons.  This is all well and good until someone who is forced to check their carry-on gets to their seats and see the overhead bins are NOT full.  They were not happy.  I would be pissed too.  But I had plenty of space, you know, being in First Class and all.

Apparently one passenger took it a little too far, being belligerent, cussing at flight attendants, calling them idiots, etc.  They don’t take too kindly to this behavior.  So they kicked him off!  Airport security came and grabbed the dude and walked him off the plane.  And as he was escorted past me I noticed he HAD his carry-on bag.  So he wasn’t even one of the people who was forced to check his!  What a moron.

Can you imagine having to tell your wife, significant other, kids or boss that you are not going to be getting home on time because you were kicked off a plane for being a jackass?  Ugh.

After all was said and done, we were about 20 minutes late taking off so not too bad.  Then I spent the next 2 ½ hours soaking up the bloody mary’s and free food from the comfort of my big ass wide chair.  Yep… it was the good life.


P.S. I think I may have unintentionally misled some of you at the end of my LAST post.  I mentioned there was an incident on the plane but I neglected to say it DIDN’T involve me directly.  Oops.  Sorry to disappoint those who thought I would be the one getting arrested..  haha.

I’m A High Class Dude

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Vacation | Posted on 21-03-2012

As I mentioned in Monday’s airplane bathroom post, my Lady Friend and I flew back from vacation last week.  A few interesting things happened between the airport and the flight home, and I am going to split the story up into two posts.

For some damn reason we had an 8:45am flight coming back home, and the drive to the airport is about 30 minutes on a normal day, but rush hour made it much longer.  When we finally got there, the little electronic check-in kiosk had a line, so we patiently waited.  Well, my Lady Friend was patient.  I was a nervous-nellie because I like checking in early with the hopes of nabbing a coveted exit row seat.

The line inched along to the point where we were next.  But the woman in front of us had no clue what she was doing.  At every screen she read it closely, paused, looked around as if someone should come help her then read it closely again before hitting the “continue” button.  Eventually she gets to the screen to print her boarding pass but gets an error saying she has to go to the baggage check desk – something to do with a delayed or canceled flight I think.  I kindly point out where she needs to go, resisting the urge to shove her out of my freakin’ way.

At least he won't get scanned.

I’m already flustered because I can see the TSA security line is long and our flight will start boarding any minute.  We go through the kiosk process, and when I get to the end screen before printing the boarding pass it says we’ll have to speak to the airline agent at our gate to get seat assignments.  Great.  The flight is overbooked and we’ll either be asked if we can accept getting bumped, or at best get crappy single separated seats somewhere in the back of the plane.

Going through the agonizingly slow security line my mood went from anxious to agitated to downright pissy.  By the time we got to our gate they were boarding the plane.  I talked to the lady at the counter and she confirmed they overbooked, and it would be 10 minutes before she could assign us seats.

At this news my Lady Friend decided to go get Starbucks… probably because she wanted to get away from my crabbiness.  She walks over to the Starbucks while I stand their with our bags watching people loading on to what I hope will be our plane.  After a few minutes they make an announcement for us to approach the counter.  I wrangle our bags over and hand her my boarding pass.

The airline woman makes a joke about us probably wanting to get on the plane.  I say at this point we’d probably take standing room only seats.  She smiles and hands me new boarding passes saying I’ll probably like these seats better than standing room.  They were First Class.  Score!  Not wanting to miss any time sitting in luxury while getting free food and drinks, I find my Lady Friend waiting in a slow line at Starbucks.  She had yet to order, so I told her to skip it so that we could board.

My intention was to not tell her where we were sitting until we got on the plane (hoping she wouldn’t look at the boarding pass to closely) but me pulling her out of line pissed her off since she was now going to miss out on a Starbucks in addition to being rushed around the airport by some jackass.  (me)  So I had to tell her where we were sitting just to stop the stink eye she was giving me.

I’ve flown first class a few times due to overbooking issues and each time it makes me wish like hell I had the money to do it every time.  It’s a completely different experience.  In addition to the free food and booze (unlimited refills) you have enough leg room to do yoga.  You know, if you were into that.

After getting seated but before taking off (and starting my first of many bloody marys) there was an incident on the plane…  I’ll be back in a couple days to tell that story.



I Flew On A Sexist Airline

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Vacation | Posted on 19-03-2012

At least that was my assumption after seeing this image.  It was in the bathroom of the airplane I was on, heading home from vacation.  And you know me… always snapping photos of things.

Please don't let me use an airplane bathroom after it's used to change a diaper

Why does it have to be a woman in the image changing the baby?  It’s a dual-gender bathroom, men use it as much as women – maybe even more.  I did.

Or am I over thinking this?  Maybe it’s not a woman at all.  Maybe it is a dude in a dress.  You know, one of those cross-dressing, diaper-changing parents you’ve been hearing about.

These days you never know.  I have a story about the flight that I’ll share in a few days.  For now, time to head in to work… it’s my first day back after the long vacation.

Poor me huh?



A Little Irish Cheer

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays | Posted on 17-03-2012

When I was a very young kid people still listened to vinyl records.  And even some 8-tracks, although those were quickly replaced by plain old cassettes – which sounded like crap.

My parents had a 45 record of The Unicorn Song by The Irish Rovers and I remember playing it over and over…   seems like a good St. Patrick’s Day song.

Does anyone else remember this??  I don’t have kids (that I know of) but someday when I do, this song will be part of their childhood.

It’s much better than any Barney crap right?

And listening to the song again I remembered something… the song actually made me kind of sad when I was a kid.  I was too young to realize that unicorns are mythological and never actually existed.

(Well, outside of my sex dreams anyway… don’t ask)

So this song made me sad that unicorns were left behind, so I’d never get a chance to see one.  Stupid huh?  I will have to drown out that sad memory with lots of green beer today.