I’m Protesting Leap Day

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays | Posted on 29-02-2012

We have an obsession with creating things that happen every four years.  Here in the U.S. we elect a new President every four years – though most politicians all seem to be the same jackass to me.

Every four years we have the Winter and Summer Olympics as well as the World Cup of Soccer (Football for you foreign types).  And the four year thing even hits close to home…  one of my friends seems to only get laid about once every four years.  It’s like a Leap Day miracle.  That poor bastard.

Speaking of Leap Day, it’s the most bizarre of all the once-in-four-year occurrences because it’s just a random day added at the end of February.  You know, statistically speaking only 1 in 1,460 people can say they have a Leap Birthday.

(Which one of you geeks just pulled out a calculator to check that math?)

Leap Day is an extreme version of Daylight Savings Time when you turn the clocks back and “gain” an hour.  People jokingly ask me what I’m going to do with the extra hour.  Well, since it happens at 2am I usually just sleep through it… you dumbass.

The same can be said about Leap Day – what are you going to do with it?  Well, since IT happens today (on a Wednesday) I am going to work.  Which sucks.  Like many folks I’m paid on a salary basis.  Whether I work 6 hours a day or 10 hours a day, 3 days a week or 7 days a week when I get my pay checks the dollar amount is the same every single time.

Then along comes this Wednesday Leap Day bullshit, adding an extra day of work into my pay period without changing my pay.

The Corporate world must LOVE this.  They get an extra day of productivity, an extra day of sales, an extra day of billing.  And don’t have to pay that extra day of salary.

Like Leap Day should be any different?

Well I am giving the big fat middle finger to Leap Day.  I am vowing to do little or NO work at all today.  I’ll surf the internet, read a few magazines, steal some office supplies.

Those who know me may say it sounds like a typical work day for me.  Ha, very funny.  But I’m seriously refusing to do any true productive work.

Who is with me on this?  Salaried people UNITE!  Today we protest!

SD

 

Why I Didn’t Watch The Oscars

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in TV | Posted on 27-02-2012

I did not watch The Oscars last night.  Not one single minute of it.  Although the topic of watching it was briefly brought up between the Lady Friend and myself.

In fact, this is an actual conversation that took place:

 

 

 

 

Ok, so that’s not 100% accurate.  It ended more like this…

 

 

 

What did I end up watching?  Some OTHER crappy movie…  we probably would have been better off watching The Oscars.

Sigh…

SD

 

 

I’d Much Rather Go Pantless

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Catalog | Posted on 25-02-2012

Those of you who have been following me for awhile know about the stupid catalog the Lady Friend and I get in the mail.  It’s mostly full of knick knack garbage along with some occasional items that are so ridiculously moronic that I feel the need to share them with all of you!

I’ve shared with you these wooden shelf signs and ugly towel huggers in recent months.

And today’s catalog item is no less stupid then those.  Lounge Pants..  for dudes.

I wouldn't be caught dead wearing these. Yes, even my corpse would find a way to shake them off.

I’m sure you have seen those pajama jean things for women.  Look for their ads on late night TV in case you ever have a bad case of insomnia and the desire to be completely dumbfounded for 60 seconds.

Pajama jeans are basically a pair of sweat pants made out to look like jeans.  So that the woman who is too lazy to put on real clothes can still present the image of someone less lazy.  Good luck with all that.

But this is the first time I have see a similar product for men.  There are lots of reasons to hate on these, but I am going to just focus on two of them.

1.  They are ugly.  Very ugly.  They don’t really look much like jeans to tell you the truth.  But the kind of jeans they do resemble are the kind of jeans you’d really only wear if you were painting.  Or if it was 1988.

2.  Guys don’t really give a shit about hiding the fact that they are wearing sweat pants.  If you’re the kind of guy who wears sweatpants out in public while NOT playing some kind of sport (I am not one of those guys) then you probably don’t care who knows it.

The other thing disturbing about this is the picture of the shirtless guy.  How is that a selling point???  I don’t often wish bad things on people, but I truly hope the company that came up with this idea goes down in flames and files for bankruptcy.

Serves them right for bringing this crap into the world.

Have a good weekend!  :)

SD

 

A Little Something-Something About Me

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Random Simplicity | Posted on 23-02-2012

You know those Blogging things that go around every few weeks where you’re supposed to share some secrets about yourself?  I don’t do them.  It’s not that I have a problem with them, or the people who do write them.  It’s more about me having other things to write.

Or maybe it’s me being lazy. Yeah, come to think of it, I’m sure it’s mostly about me being lazy.  Those things take work.

But recently I was tagged on one by one of my absolute favorite followers Cinderita.  For those of you who are not following her blog and Twitter you are missing out.  She’s not just a great writer, but a great person too.

Then I was also tagged by one of my newest followers Sweety Darlin’.  Isn’t that an awesome blogging pseudonym?  I wish I would have thought of it.  Though I imagine she better resembles a Sweety Darlin’ then I do.

Anyway… I decided to play along this time. So here goes:

The Rules:
1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in the post you were tagged in
4. Create 11 new questions for your tagees to answer
5. Tag them on Twitter, Facebook or your blog (or all of the above)

 

Lets start with the 11 random things – and these are all 100% true.  Sometimes I spread the bullshit around here… but not this time.

1.  I am a very good juggler.

2.  I started two businesses in my life that failed.  Miserably.  (But I survived!)

3.  Back in the mid 90′s I lived in South Dakota for a year, where I actually had a nice one bedroom apartment that cost me only $200/month.  Of course I had to give the little old land lady foot massages.  I’m kidding.  Or am I?

4.  I get really freaked out by spiders.  And Packer fans.

5.  I have been to 38 of the 50 U.S. states.

6.  I am a very good pool player.

7.  I dropped out of college and have since made it my goal to be a success ANYWAY.  Which I think I have.  :)

8.  If I win the lottery I am buying all of you a new laptop.

9.  I’ve had the same cell phone number for nearly 14 years.

10.  I once owned a race horse.  Well, part of one anyway.  I shared it with a few people.

11.  I actually wrote 20 of these but had to figure out which ones to cut to get to 11!

 

And because Cinderita tagged me first, I have to answer specific questions FROM her.  Here they are:

1. If you were stuck on a deserted island, who would you want to be stuck with?

Someone who knows how to build a big ass boat.

 

2. What is your favorite foreign film? (it has to have subtitles to qualify)

Are you kidding me?  If it has subtitles, why the hell would I watch it?

 

3. When you hear the word “intimacy” what does it mean to you?

Dirty, sloppy, hanging from the chandelier sex.

 

4. Have you ever met someone randomly and ended up spending a super fun day with them? When? (If you feel like sharing, please do)

I generally strongly dislike people I meet randomly.  So I doubt this would happen.  People suck.

 

5. If you were to have an erotic dream about someone, celebrity, real person or whatever, who/what would it be?

I do all the time!  About my Lady Friend of course.  (she’s reading this right?)

 

6. Where’s the furthest you’ve traveled? What’s your favorite destination of the one’s you’ve been to? Why?

The furthest would be either Hawaii or Germany.  They both felt like long freakin’ flights.

 

7. What’s your favorite moment of 2012 so far?

Other than this post?  I’d say the time I had waffles for dinner a few weeks ago.  AWESOME!

 

8. Your favorite tv show?

Rescue Me.  It just ended last summer, and was on the FX Network.  The writing on that show was absolutely amazing.

 

9. What’s the last book you read?

Does FaceBOOK count?

 

10. What is the first thing you think of when someone asks you “what are you grateful for?”?

My family, without a doubt.

 

11. Have you ever been to San Francisco? If so, what’s the most favorite thing you’d want someone to do if they went for the first time?

I have been there – it’s one of the most beautiful cities in the country.  I’m a history nut so I loved Alcatraz. 

 

And I am supposed to tag other people and force them to go through all this….   but I am not going to do that.  Because that would be work.  And I am lazy….   REMEMBER??

SD

 

I’m A Lucky Dude

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Food | Posted on 21-02-2012

I am a little behind on this, but wanted to give you all an update on how my Valentine’s Day celebrations went.  In short, they went very well.  Since the day itself fell on a Tuesday and as usual the Lady Friend and I had very busy weeks, we decided to save our celebrating for the weekend.

We decided to keep the gift giving simple and relatively cheap this year.  I gave her a nice bracelet, nothing too expensive.  Thankfully she had dropped some easy to follow hints on that – it’s highly doubtful I would have landed on a bracelet all on my own.

And she gave me the gift of booze.

Every day is St. Patrick's Day in my house

It’s the Jameson 12 Year Special Reserve.  It’s basically a fancier, more expensive version of Jameson Irish Whiskey – my favorite drink.  Have I mentioned how freakin’ cool she is?

So when we decided to go out to dinner Saturday night it was pretty much up to her where we went.  And she chose Rudolphs’s BBQ which is one of the best BBQ joints in the Minneapolis area!  Uh huh, she’s a cool chick alright.  It’s a step above your run of the mill take out rib joint but still a very reasonable place to eat.  And the food is amazing, we eat there once or twice a year.

And I love me some BBQ.

Uhh.. buddy? It may be time for a new hobby.

Oh no… I don’t love BBQ as much as THAT guy.

And I don’t know why they call the restaurant Rudolph’s.  It’s some sort of homage to Rudolph Valentino, the silent movie star from the 1920’s. There are pictures of him throughout the restaurant.

Why?  Who the hell knows.  He wasn’t from the Twin Cities.  He wasn’t known for BBQ as far as I know, and he died more than 80 years ago.  If you can figure out the connection you’re smarter than I am.

But the food rocks so who really gives a shit.  I got a nice half rack of ribs, some mashed sweet potatoes and homemade corn bread.  Hell yeah.  And the left overs were amazing the next day too.

Some guys may have been forced to take their significant others out to some overpriced, under portioned spot with poor mood lighting, snobby wanna-be-model servers and a name that I’d be embarrassed to try pronouncing.  But not me.

Have I mentioned how cool the Lady Friend is?

SD

Fun With The Pause Button

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in TV, Weekends | Posted on 19-02-2012

It’s no secret that I don’t claim to be some high brow kind of guy.  I dig sports, beer and boobs.  And farts make me chuckle.  It is what it is.

I’m a simple dude who is entertained by simple things.  And one of those things is when you catch some dope on TV making a weird face.  You see it all the time, particularly with news anchors.  I’m telling you, next time you’re watching Mr. Cool news anchor with the perfect hair, hit pause on your remote.  Guaranteed giggle.

What a jackass

I paused this guy a few weeks ago and snapped a photo.  It looks like someone just told him his pecker is on fire.

This is not sophisticated humor by any means, but it works for me.

This next one is not a moment caught in time, but a mugshot that was on the TV news.  You know how some people just LOOK like what they are?  For instance, there is a stereotypical look a librarian has right?  Or a lumberjack.. you expect them to be a big dude with a beard.

How about stalkers?  Would you expect them to look a certain way?  Damn right.  You’d expect them to look EXACTLY like this guy:

He sure as hell doesn't look like a librarian.

If I saw this guy just walking down the street I would assume he’s stalking someone.  He has to be.  Either that or he’s a carnival ride operator scouting their next stop.

Now the challenge you face is not letting these two creeps find their way into your dreams later tonight.

(shiver!)

Have a good Sunday!!

SD

 

It’s A Great Karma Week Around Here

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Random Simplicity, Uncategorized | Posted on 16-02-2012

On Tuesday I showed off my generosity…  once again… by giving away a $50 Amazon gift card to a lucky follower of mine.  But not just any follower, a SINGLE follower.  By single, I mean not involved with anyone, not married, not seriously dating.  Casually sleeping with someone?  Yeah that was ok.

It was Valentine’s Day and  on that crappiest  of all days for single people, I thought I would do something nice for one of them.

Because if you’re not going to get all hot and bothered with a special someone, you should at least have the chance to buy a hot and steamy movie.  Or a pair of shoes.  Maybe a gag ball… whatever yanks your crank.

I drew a winner at random from everyone who re-tweeted me and Youngman Brown was the big weiner.  And you know what cool thing he did with $1.99 of that $50?  He bought my blogging e-book for a COMPLETE STRANGER!  He bought it for Brett Minor who had left a comment saying he would buy my e-book if he won the cash.

Now THAT is some damn good karma dude.

We ALL could use some good karma like this

I also wanted to give a sincere and honest thank you to all of you who commented on my Monday post about the dilemma I am facing in using a pen name VS my real name for some writing I’m doing.

In reading all your comments I was left initially more confused then when I posted because you all had some awesome arguments…

Jewels, Jonathan Guarano and Rusty all thought going with a real sounding pen name was the way to go.

Youngman Brown, ThaiDyedMissy and my fellow Minnesotan Pearl all said I should go with my real name.  Yes, believe it or not my parents did not curse me with the birth name Simple Dude.

Actually some people said just stick with the name Simple Dude.  It’s something people know me by already, why not keep things… well… simple.  As someone who works in marketing, I do see some appeal in the branding I have built with the name Simple Dude.

To be honest I have not quite decided exactly what to do yet, but there was one comment that really stood out.  An excellent writer herself, Mandy wrote this comment:

“You have to use your real name on a real book. Chuh. It’s the achievement of a lifetime and you’re not going to slap your name on it?”

I hadn’t thought of this before… but she makes a great point.  It would be an achievement to have a book actually in print.  I am not sure my ego could handle not getting credit for it!  You won’t have to wait too long to find out what I do…  as I mentioned in the post Monday, I am hoping to get this sucka done by summer.

Thanks again Simpletons – more good karma from all of you!

SD