Half Assed Weekend – Towel Huggers

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Catalog, Holidays | Posted on 19-11-2011

Time for another Half Assed Weekend post… and I have to give props to my blogging buddy Amber LaShell who designed this button for me:

What is a Half-Assed Weekend post?  It’s a post that only requires half the work of a normal post… for me, it usually means LESS than half the work.

I’ve got another thing to share from that STUPID CATALOG I get in the mail.

Christmas Towel Huggers:

Festive Towels

I Hate Towels I'm Not Allowed To Use

This caught my eye for a few reasons.  First – in my opinion – they are kind of ugly.  I know people put a lot of stupid things out during the holidays, so there is always going to be a market for this stuff – even if it is ugly.

When I was a kid, my mom used to put a lot of weird stuff out around the house.  She probably still would, but doesn’t have the time anymore, since my parents leave for Arizona (where they spend their winters) right after Christmas.  But even in the height of her decorating madness I doubt she would even put these out.

On top of being a little tacky and ugly they also represent something else I don’t like… decorative towels that I’m not allowed to use.  What’s the point?

Much like with the shelf signs I posted about a few weeks back, I’d come up with my own styles of Towel Huggers.  These would be more realistic to the world we live in.  I don’t have any artistic abilities  to draw these… besides, that would go completely against the Half Assed mentality!

—First up for Christmas, we can do better.  I’d recommend the Drunk Guy At Office Christmas Party Towel Hugger.  This would be a guy who is completely out of his element.  364 days of the year he is a mild mannered office worker, but one night each year he becomes THAT guy.  He drinks, flirts, fondles and eventually passes out under his desk.  And the following Monday he has an 8:00am meeting with Human Resources.

—For Thanksgiving maybe they could sell an Uncle Ed Towel Hugger.  It would have the top of it’s pants unbuttoned, since it just ate waaay too much turkey.  It would occasionally fart and bitch about the football game it’s watching on TV.

—On Valentines Day you could put out the Bitter Single Person Towel Hugger.  During the day it would just complain about the commercialism of the day and how it’s become such a worthless Hallmark holiday.  Then that night it would hug a pillow instead of towels, while watching cheesy romantic movies with a tear in it’s eye and a big ass bowl of ice cream on it’s lap.

—On March 17th you would put out an Irish For A Day St. Patty’s Towel Hugger.  It’s actually a guy of German descent but is wearing a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” button while drinking green beer, singing Irish folk songs, speaking with an Irish accent and bragging about the size of his blarney stone, asking if anyone wants to see it.  We’ll call this the Simple Dude Towel Hugger… because it’s an exact replica of ME every St. Patrick’s day!

What kind of Towel Hugger would you buy?




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