Ever Get Pissed Playing A Video Game?

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Sprocket Ink | Posted on 29-11-2011

Well than my Sprocket Ink article this week is meant FOR YOU.  Well, if you are a guy that is.

Here is the opening couple paragraphs:

I have been playing games of various types my whole life.  Board games, video games and just about every sport imaginable without ever feeling like a fish out of water.  Plus I’m pretty competitive so at some point most of those games probably pissed me off.  Which is ironic, because I bet the latest game from a British company will illicit a similar reaction. 

Captive Media has begun installing video games into urinals that men can play while relieving themselves.  Guys will aim at different sensors in the urinal to determine the outcome of the game on a small video screen….

Read More Here

From there is goes on to talk more about the games as well as a bunch of pee related puns on my part.  You know me, I couldn’t resist some of those.  It was like shooting fish in a barrel..  a barrel full of pee that is.

Gross huh?

Be sure to go read the rest of it…  RIGHT HERE .., ok?



Long Weekends Don’t Make Mondays Any Easier

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Weekends | Posted on 28-11-2011

I had a nice long holiday weekend, although as I sit here on Sunday evening writing this it appears it will be shorter than originally intended.  I had taken Monday (today) off but will have to go in to work now as we’ve had some new developments that will keep me pretty busy for awhile.

Speaking of work – I posted about my job indecision a few weeks back, but I decided to stay at my current workplace for the near future.  I’m sure 2012 will see me changing jobs at some point… hopefully before the world ends next December right?

As for  my long weekend…  I didn’t do much.  I posted my take on Thanksgiving HERE in case you missed it.

Friday I did venture out shopping, but only to non-door buster stores and only later in the afternoon when things were less stupid.   As I tweeted that day, I did a little.. uhh… blog research at Half Price Books:

If you're looking to get me a Christmas gift....

Then Saturday the Lady Friend and I went to Costco to load up on crap.  Ever notice how you COMPLETELY forget how big your refrigerator and freezer is while shopping at Costco?  We end up having to turn our freezer into a freakin’ puzzle to make everything fit just right.

I saw this at Costco and thought it was funny… plastic silverware, that actually is meant to look like “silver” silverware.  Seems silly to me.

It's "great for everyday use" especially if you are a hilljack.

For those of you wondering what I look like… I just realized there is an upside down distorted reflection of me in the silver-plastic spoon.

(you just turned your laptop upside down didn’t you?)

Then Saturday night I met up with a couple buddies at a local sports bar called Champps.  Yes, the name intentionally has two P’s in it.  I’m guessing another sports bar called Champs was already in business so these guys decided the best way to distinguish themselves was to become shitty spellers.

And Sunday was a lazy football day – can’t beat that!

Have you entered my Pineville Heist contest to win $100?  No?  It’s easy!  Click here for details!




Black Friday The Way I See It

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays | Posted on 25-11-2011

I’m a little pissed.

No it has nothing to do with missing out on any Door Busting Black Friday deals, quite frankly they are NOT my thing.  Heading out in the middle of the night to wait in line for the shot at saving a little money on a TV or other crap I don’t need is not my idea of fun.

Sometimes they run out of the “cheap” items anyway and you get screwed.  Well, not completely screwed… they are more than willing to help you into one of these other (slightly more expensive) models right?  My time is worth more to me than that.

No what pisses me off is that my Thanksgiving was uneventful.  Nothing crazy happened that I could write about on the blog.  I think the main reason for this is because we weren’t with MY family.  They are bunch of neurotic, loud mouthed, borderline drunks.  I fit right in!

But we went to my Lady Friend’s family, who are much more sane.  We had some excellent food, played a couple games, watched football and then played a little football with her nephews.  It was fun.  But nothing weird or outrageous happened.

So I’m a little pissed.  Hopefully something crazy happened at your Thanksgiving dinner that YOU can write about!



Thanksgiving Before And After

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Holidays | Posted on 24-11-2011

For all you non-Americans, let me explain to you how our Thanksgiving works..


Happy Thanksgiving!


Horny Ghosts? Who Knew?!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Sprocket Ink | Posted on 22-11-2011

I don’t have a lot of time for a long lengthy post today, but….

Click Here!!

… I do have a GHOSTLY post going over at Sprocket Ink today.  You know how some guys get grabby and handsy wanting to feel you up all the time?  Apparently when those dudes die, they turn into grabby, handsy ghosts too.  Or at least this one in particular did…  go read all about it!

Before you go though… do any of you watch the show Dexter?  If not – you SHOULD!  It’s a great show, one of the best on TV right now.  There is a lab geek character on the show named Vince Masuka.  He’s a perverted, hilarious guy.  Come to think of it, he’ll probably end up like the ghost in my Sprocket Ink story!

Anyway, I was watching the morning news a few weeks back and this local chef was on there talking about some Mango Chili recipe and I had to do a double take because the dude looks just like Masuka.

Who knew Masuka was a Mango Chili kind of guy?

I snapped a crappy photo on my phone. If you watch the show, tell me I’m not crazy… he looks like Masuka right?

And if you don’t already, go watch Dexter.  Once you do, you’ll get what i’m saying about this guy.  And go read my article about the HORNY GHOST!



Snow Day Adventures

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 21-11-2011

This weekend was interesting.  No, I didn’t see the latest Twilight crap.  I know lots of you enjoy those movies… but I refuse to see any of them.  I’d rather spend two hours trying to eat my own foot.

This weekend was interesting for weather reasons as Saturday kind of sucked here.  It started snowing around noon and continued off and on into the night.

It wasn’t a ton of snow, just a few inches.  This is Minnesota, we can handle snow so a couple inches is no big deal.  However this was the first snowfall of the year, and it was an icy one – lots of slippery roads.

And what does any sane person do when it’s snowing and icy?  They go out for a drive!  Or at least the Lady Friend and I do anyway.  It went something like this:

The snow did not keep all the jagoffs away from Target

So that’s what we did.  Being the weekend before Thanksgiving it was pretty busy, which always irritates me.  Crowded places piss me off, it’s just the way I am.

So we spent a shit load of money on some groceries and other stuff we needed, plus some stuff we didn’t need.  But that’s what happens at Target.  Outside we loaded the stuff into my Explorer and before I got in I stopped to snap this photo:

Sorry, this is important. It's for my blog.

What looks like snow is actually a mix of ice pellets and snow.  Even with my four wheel drive I was still slip-sliding around the parking  lot.  It was fucking awesome.

On the way home we had to make another stop.

Stopping here was the best decision I made all weekend.

Note the neon sign at the top left of the photo.  Here in Minnesota we have some stupid laws, and one of them is that you can’t buy booze or wine at Target or similar stores, or any grocery stores.  Only at separate liquor stores.

We happen to have a liquor store a few blocks from our house, and they were having a big wine tasting event.  You know I’m going to take advantage of that!  We tasted and we bought… booze, wine and beer.  We really loaded up.

After that, all I wanted to do was sit on my ass for the rest of the evening – which is exactly what I did.  And Sunday I didn’t leave the house at all.  By the way?  Sunday was a nice, bright sunny day without a single cloud in the sky.

That figures.



Half Assed Weekend – Towel Huggers

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Catalog, Holidays | Posted on 19-11-2011

Time for another Half Assed Weekend post… and I have to give props to my blogging buddy Amber LaShell who designed this button for me:

What is a Half-Assed Weekend post?  It’s a post that only requires half the work of a normal post… for me, it usually means LESS than half the work.

I’ve got another thing to share from that STUPID CATALOG I get in the mail.

Christmas Towel Huggers:

Festive Towels

I Hate Towels I'm Not Allowed To Use

This caught my eye for a few reasons.  First – in my opinion – they are kind of ugly.  I know people put a lot of stupid things out during the holidays, so there is always going to be a market for this stuff – even if it is ugly.

When I was a kid, my mom used to put a lot of weird stuff out around the house.  She probably still would, but doesn’t have the time anymore, since my parents leave for Arizona (where they spend their winters) right after Christmas.  But even in the height of her decorating madness I doubt she would even put these out.

On top of being a little tacky and ugly they also represent something else I don’t like… decorative towels that I’m not allowed to use.  What’s the point?

Much like with the shelf signs I posted about a few weeks back, I’d come up with my own styles of Towel Huggers.  These would be more realistic to the world we live in.  I don’t have any artistic abilities  to draw these… besides, that would go completely against the Half Assed mentality!

—First up for Christmas, we can do better.  I’d recommend the Drunk Guy At Office Christmas Party Towel Hugger.  This would be a guy who is completely out of his element.  364 days of the year he is a mild mannered office worker, but one night each year he becomes THAT guy.  He drinks, flirts, fondles and eventually passes out under his desk.  And the following Monday he has an 8:00am meeting with Human Resources.

—For Thanksgiving maybe they could sell an Uncle Ed Towel Hugger.  It would have the top of it’s pants unbuttoned, since it just ate waaay too much turkey.  It would occasionally fart and bitch about the football game it’s watching on TV.

—On Valentines Day you could put out the Bitter Single Person Towel Hugger.  During the day it would just complain about the commercialism of the day and how it’s become such a worthless Hallmark holiday.  Then that night it would hug a pillow instead of towels, while watching cheesy romantic movies with a tear in it’s eye and a big ass bowl of ice cream on it’s lap.

—On March 17th you would put out an Irish For A Day St. Patty’s Towel Hugger.  It’s actually a guy of German descent but is wearing a “Kiss Me I’m Irish” button while drinking green beer, singing Irish folk songs, speaking with an Irish accent and bragging about the size of his blarney stone, asking if anyone wants to see it.  We’ll call this the Simple Dude Towel Hugger… because it’s an exact replica of ME every St. Patrick’s day!

What kind of Towel Hugger would you buy?