I Am A Magnet For Morons

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 13-09-2011

Do you have a special talent?  Something you do better than all your friends?  For a long time I wasn’t sure if I had one.  I have a friend who is a great guitar player.  I have another friend who can fix anything on a car… a regular grease monkey.

But I’ve never had that one thing that I am really great at.  I am GOOD at some things, but not great.  I’m a pretty good pool player.  I know a shitload about music from the 1960s through the 1980s.  But I can’t say I am the BEST at anything.

Or so I thought.

A couple weeks ago the Lady Friend took me to see a concert at a local casino.  She likes her rock music and I like to gamble.  So it was perfect.  Something happened that night that happens a lot, and I am starting to think it just may be MY THING, that one thing that I am better at than anyone else.

I attract goofball, weirdo, nutcase idiots.  Seriously… I am a Magnet For Morons.

Not only did I live next to Mr. & Mrs. Moron themselves, but on a nearly daily basis I have morons approach me and want to tell me random bullshit.

Here are some examples:

1.  There was a guy standing in front of us at the concert.  He turned randomly to ask if he could get us some drinks.  I said, “Ummm..  no.”  And it’s not like he was blindly hitting on either of us – he was with his wife.  Then he asked me something stupid that I don’t even remember.  How about you just leave me alone huh?  I don’t need some goof putting roofies in my beer.

2.  Last Thursday I went golfing with co-workers – any excuse to not work right?  I beat them to the course, and while waiting for them some guy walks by me.  He asks if I am a big St. Louis Cardinals fan.  I say “no, not particularly.”  It took me a second to remember I was wearing a Cardinals hat.  I have lots of sports shirts and hats for various teams, it doesn’t mean I am a huge fan of those teams.  I probably just liked the look.

He then spends five minutes telling me how the Cardinals and Yankees used to always play each other in the World Series back in the day.  Like I give a shit.  I didn’t encourage this or ask for it, but here he was and I couldn’t shake him.  Finally my friends showed up and he left.

3.  A few weeks back I was out for a run when a dude pulled up next to me on his old school 10 speed bike.  I was listening to music but he obviously had something to say so I shut off the tunes.  For the next half mile I’m running he rolls along next to me, telling me about how you have to do cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes for it to be at all effective.

I happen to know a few things about fitness and staying in shape.  And no buddy, you don’t NEED to be in the cardio zone for 30 minutes.  Yes, you’ll burn more calories that way, but all in all what he was saying was wrong.  If you only have 20 minutes to spare you’ll still burn calories.  But I knew if I disagreed with this jackass he’d never leave me alone so I thanked him for the tips and eventually he rode on. 

These are a few examples of things that happen to me on a regular basis… so… maybe attracting odd ducks is the thing I am GREAT at.

It’s not going to make me rich or earn me a special place in Heaven.  But it’s something.  So I might as well own it right?

SD


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