13
I Am A Magnet For Morons
Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 13-09-2011
Do you have a special talent? Something you do better than all your friends? For a long time I wasn’t sure if I had one. I have a friend who is a great guitar player. I have another friend who can fix anything on a car… a regular grease monkey.
But I’ve never had that one thing that I am really great at. I am GOOD at some things, but not great. I’m a pretty good pool player. I know a shitload about music from the 1960s through the 1980s. But I can’t say I am the BEST at anything.
Or so I thought.
A couple weeks ago the Lady Friend took me to see a concert at a local casino. She likes her rock music and I like to gamble. So it was perfect. Something happened that night that happens a lot, and I am starting to think it just may be MY THING, that one thing that I am better at than anyone else.
I attract goofball, weirdo, nutcase idiots. Seriously… I am a Magnet For Morons.
Not only did I live next to Mr. & Mrs. Moron themselves, but on a nearly daily basis I have morons approach me and want to tell me random bullshit.
Here are some examples:
1. There was a guy standing in front of us at the concert. He turned randomly to ask if he could get us some drinks. I said, “Ummm.. no.” And it’s not like he was blindly hitting on either of us – he was with his wife. Then he asked me something stupid that I don’t even remember. How about you just leave me alone huh? I don’t need some goof putting roofies in my beer.
2. Last Thursday I went golfing with co-workers – any excuse to not work right? I beat them to the course, and while waiting for them some guy walks by me. He asks if I am a big St. Louis Cardinals fan. I say “no, not particularly.” It took me a second to remember I was wearing a Cardinals hat. I have lots of sports shirts and hats for various teams, it doesn’t mean I am a huge fan of those teams. I probably just liked the look.
He then spends five minutes telling me how the Cardinals and Yankees used to always play each other in the World Series back in the day. Like I give a shit. I didn’t encourage this or ask for it, but here he was and I couldn’t shake him. Finally my friends showed up and he left.
3. A few weeks back I was out for a run when a dude pulled up next to me on his old school 10 speed bike. I was listening to music but he obviously had something to say so I shut off the tunes. For the next half mile I’m running he rolls along next to me, telling me about how you have to do cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes for it to be at all effective.
I happen to know a few things about fitness and staying in shape. And no buddy, you don’t NEED to be in the cardio zone for 30 minutes. Yes, you’ll burn more calories that way, but all in all what he was saying was wrong. If you only have 20 minutes to spare you’ll still burn calories. But I knew if I disagreed with this jackass he’d never leave me alone so I thanked him for the tips and eventually he rode on.
These are a few examples of things that happen to me on a regular basis… so… maybe attracting odd ducks is the thing I am GREAT at.
It’s not going to make me rich or earn me a special place in Heaven. But it’s something. So I might as well own it right?
SD
That is odd. I seem to attract people who want to tell me their life story. Their most intimate secrets. I'm not sure why this is. I'm pretty reserved in person.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@2:06 pm
Only last week a lady was telling me about how the people at Betty's Tea Rooms in Harrogate had implanted a chip inside her and were in league with the Mecca Bingo Hall in logging her whereabouts. There's nothing quite like mental illness to give me a chuckle.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@2:09 pm
So… what you're telling me is if I'm drawn to read your blog that I'm a moron?
Thanks Dude. Thanks.
p.s. I'm a magnet for weirdos too btw!
ツ my cyber house rules dot com
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@2:47 pm
Oh how I miss your posts on Mr. & Mrs. Moron.
And you're not the only one who gets approached by weirdos or idiots. I work for a country vet clinic . . . half the people who come in don't have a job for various reasons, have 100 pets they can't afford, and half their teeth are missing. You're not alone, SD.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@3:58 pm
I'm possibly the most boring person I know yet I always seem to attract the party people. I just assume my lack of social skills fascinates them.
Like an exotic plant or an animal at the zoo.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@4:19 pm
Loved this post, its the nutters, they always come and sit by me on the bus.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@4:46 pm
You must have that air of approachability. It's a gift! And it makes for great stories for this blog
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@5:04 pm
My husband and I attract old people that need help finding things and than proceed to talk us to death.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@5:08 pm
Be the best you can be!! Even if it's attracting morons. Seems to be a popular trait though. At least in my life.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@5:44 pm
bwhahaha… Awesome!
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@7:06 pm
Thought it was just me…am a poster child for attracting whacked out bums and street solicitors … you know, those ones that think their alien space ship is 'leaving soon?' Yet…they're still here and finding me.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@7:31 pm
I would have pushed the guy off his bike. I hate being bothered when running.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@8:36 pm
Perhaps morons and weirdos are attracted to their opposites? Looking at it from that perspective kind of makes the attraction more of a compliment. You'll still be annoyed, but you can own it in a more positive light.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@9:09 pm
I'm really great at attracting creepers anywhere I go. If they are there, they will find me and we'll be like BFF's for life. I should just carry bracelets to tag these people.
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@9:16 pm
Without those morons imagine how less random and unpredictable your life would be? I seem to have the same "gift". I have THE most random interactions…I think you just inspired a post!
Posted on: Sep/13/2011@10:18 pm
You attract morons and I raised them…yeah I know that is not a nice thing for me to say about my daughters but at times I would with some of the things they say and do at times……..I love them and I am allowed to say that…
There are some strange people out there and many of the are related to my husband he has more morons in his family then anyone else I know……..
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@2:04 am
I seem to attract people that want to share their problems/life stories/gossip with me. I had it at university all the time. It was guaranteed that i'd have all the gossip after a night without even asking to know! My friends always found it very funny.
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@7:53 am
It must be you. No one ever talks to me in public unless I address them first. Maybe because I have an aura of attitude about me that lets people know that I have ripped off heads in the past. You need to work on that look. It's not an easy one to pull off and it takes time to perfect it. But once it's turned on, you'll comfortable in your own little world. I've even seen people approach and with a look will suddenly turn away.
Hmmm..Maybe they think I'm nutters.
My husband says I'm a snob. If it gets me some peace and quiet while I'm out and about..then good..I'm a snob.
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@12:12 pm
Something similar happened to me the other day at Starbucks. I sat down with my coffee and laptop, and this random dude started telling me about how his daughter's car was acting up so he was waiting for her to drive over so they could take it to his buddy who's an automechanic, etc, etc. All I wanted to do was goof off on the internet. O.o
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@1:00 pm
I attract weirdos as well. And people who feel the need to tell me their life story, or talk to me like I'm their therapist. I'm not sure which one is worse….
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@3:56 pm
I inevitably always get seated near potted plants at any given restaurant. Not so bad, you might think, but their extended branches usually end up either on top of my head or right by my eye. Wanna trade?
Quiet, Trash
Posted on: Sep/14/2011@7:42 pm
Dude,
Don't own it! Throw it under a bus, over a bridge, anything just don't encourage your collection. We need to exercise morons from the gene pool not find them a nest
Dean
Http://leftcoastguy.com
Posted on: Sep/15/2011@12:20 pm
HAHA you are too funny! I love all your wonderful posts. Adds a little humor to my mundane life…
Posted on: Sep/16/2011@8:58 am
I attract creeps, while working an underage night a boy who'd just got his Junior cert results tried telling me he was 21 while continually bumping into my arm with his chest, he was about 15. The next day I went into the city and a man dressed in a very odd red leather and cap attire kept finding reasons to bump into me and touch up my arm, each time saying you're okay darling, go on ahead now, you're okay. Maybe they just have a thing about my arms…
Posted on: Sep/16/2011@10:48 pm