Ice Cream Truck Surprise

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 29-09-2011

I have really been neglecting my blog the last couple weeks…  hopefully by next week I’ll get back into a regular routine again.  Things at work have been very busy for me lately, which distracts from me areas of my personal life, which ultimately means the blog gets neglected.

We go through busy times at work at different parts of the year.  Sometimes those are expected and we plan for them, but other times they surprise us out of nowhere… kind of like the surprise DING DING of the ice cream truck when it comes rolling down your street.

Actually no, it’s not like that.  The ice cream truck DING DINGING it’s way towards you is a good thing.  When we get surprised by a busy week at work that’s not a good thing.  It sucks.  But I guess it beats not having a job at all.

Speaking of ice cream trucks… the music they played when I was a kid was a hell of a lot cooler than what they play these days.  What’s up with that?  These days all they play is a few lame notes on a loop.  You know…  maybe that’s what they were playing back in the day too, but I was in too much of an ice cream haze to notice. 

Fortunately with my busy schedule I have still made time for my weekly Sprocket Ink posts, including this week’s article, about annoying celebrities. 

What celebrities annoy you the most? Go read my article to see if you think the same way as the rest of us, according to a recent magazine poll.

I started writing a post that I’ll probably put up next week.  It’s about a moment in time when I disappointed myself and one of my best friends…   and if that’s not enough to get you to read, it’s also about BOOBS.

Have you submitted your question to Ask Simple Dude yet?  I’ll be posting an advice column in the next week or so.  There is still time to submit your questions…  go here to read about how to do it!

SD


Video Game Geeks Make Good Movie Stars

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 26-09-2011

Simpleton movie review:

I know I am about 4 years late on this, but I just got around to watching the movie The King of Kong: A Fistful Of Quarters (2007) this past week and thought it was a great movie.  It’s a documentary about these two guys who are supposedly the best Donkey Kong players in the world.  You know, that old school arcade game.

But the movie goes a little deeper than just that.  One of the guys is this down to earth family man who has had some tough breaks in life.  The other guy is an arrogant, cocky prick who at least seems to be afraid to go head to head with the other guy.

They really portray the two as a good guy and a bad guy.  Obviously movie producers can spin things anyway they choose, so hard to tell if these guys fit into those stereotypical roles as well as we’re led to believe…  but it doesn’t matter.  It works.  The movie is very good and you really start to find yourself rooting for this dude.

I know it sounds nerdy… and yeah, there are some nerds in it…  particularly the guys who idolize the “bad guy” but the movie is put together very well and absolutely worth watching!  Two Simple thumbs up here!

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Guess what…  

I need your help.  I want to do another ASK SIMPLE DUDE advice blog post, and need some questions from you.  I’ve done this a couple times and the questions you ask are awesome!

i’ll cover any topic.  Sex, food, work, movies, music… pretty much anything other than politics or religion.  No, not because I am avoiding controversy, those topics are just BORING.  

So leave your questions either in comments on this post, or if you’d prefer to remain anonymous you can email me:  simpledudemail@gmail.com

Thanks Simpletons!

SD


Random Thursday Thoughts

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 22-09-2011

I have a few random thoughts to throw your way today – plus a pimp for my Sprocket Ink article this week.  Occasionally I’ll throw out a Random Thought Thursday when I have some dumb ideas bumping around in my head that aren’t worthy of their own post…..  

I tweeted about this the other day…  I don’t trust people who consistently eat lunch before noon.  A few tweeps responded to me on Twitter saying their work day starts at 7am so they pretty much have to eat before noon to avoid collapsing.  Ok, fine, so there are exceptions.  But in general eating lunch at 11:30 is wrong.  Don’t do it.  If you’re that freaking hungry have a carrot or some raisins or whatever shit healthy people snack on at work.

If I eat lunch that early the afternoon drags on… it’s ridiculous.  If you eat lunch around 12:30 or 1pm the afternoon flies by.  People who work normal hours and eat lunch before noon are weird.  Avoid them at all costs.

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The Lady Friend bought a Roomba this week.  You know, that robot vacuum thing.  She says she had one before and loved it.  I have not ever had one and am slightly nervous about having a robot wandering around our house.  I am keeping a close eye on it though… if that little bastard starts leaving the house at night looking for Sarah Connor we’re going to have a real problem.

“Hasta La Vista… Dirt.

Shit… that was a lame caption.

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Two of my new favorite cable reality shows…  Storage Wars and Bar Rescue. Anyone else watch them?  You should.  Storage Wars may be partially scripted – but it’s still entertaining, especially that old dude Barry.  And Bar Rescue is sort of like Kitchen Nightmares, but with bars and nightclubs.  And for some reason it always makes me thirsty.

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Now that I’ve gotten that crap off my chest, time to pimp my Sprocket Ink post this week.

It’s about an online poker website that completely scammed it’s customers – screwing them out of their money, even if they thought they were winning.  Nope.  No winners there.  Just a small group of rich assholes literally stealing money.  Go check it out. 

Before I go, I am fuilfilling a request from one of my loyal Simpletons, Thomas McCool.  In a comment on Monday he said my next post should be about Boobs & Beer since I allowed a female perspective to enter my little space of the internet in the form of a guest post. 

Well the post isn’t about Boobs & Beer exactly, but those are two of my favorite things in life… so Thomas, these are for you:

 And…

You’re welcome… 

SD


An Aussie Trapped Me In My Cupboard

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 19-09-2011

Attention Simpletons… As I mentioned yesterday we have a special treat for today.  A very rare occurrence indeed…  a Guest Post.  So here she is… my favorite female Aussie! 

Whoo hoo, I am finally here on SD’s blog.

I can tell you, it took some stalking, but I finally sweet talked my way into repaying the guest he did for me here.

Only one problem, now I am here, I need to write something entertaining to an audience 10x what I usually write for.  OK deep breath, no time for a little panic attack now.

Some of you might be wondering who the hell am I and where is the incredibly sexy SD?

No truth to the rumour that I have him locked in the cupboard after luring him with my famous cleavage chocolate brownies, really.  It isn’t locked, and all he needs to do is loosen the ropes open the door and he will be out of there quick smart.

Sorry, what was that? Who am I?  Well, for goodness sake, I am Mynx.  I have a little blog called “Dribble” and I am an Aussie.  I’m the one who got a bit worried that SD would be eaten by a bear when he went bush a while ago with Lady Friend.

You see, everybody tells me my country has some dangerous animals but they don’t eat people..OK maybe the crocodiles and sharks do, but that is only the silly tourists who ignore the signs.  Let me tell you, the only time I have been injured by a native animal was when I was bitten by a brush tail possum.  And that was only because he thought I was a bit of apple anyway.

That happened in Tasmania, on my honeymoon.  Lots of encounters with native animals on that trip.  Hubby nearly tripped over a wombat one evening on the way back to our luxury spa cabin.

We were married in September, (just celebrated our 19th wedding anniversary actually) and had chosen to holiday in the island state.  We spent the first few days in an wilderness area called Cradle Mountain.  The Cradle Mountain Lodge was at the time the main accommodation in the area, apart from some camping and some very expensive boutique type hotels.

I couldn’t believe it, when on our arrival, it was snowing.  You see, I have seen snow, maybe 3 times total in my life.  We just don’t get it where I am.  (if you are thinking snow in September?? Remember.. southern hemisphere)

I made a snowman, a very little snowman.  And threw handfuls of the stuff at my new hubby.

It was less entertaining the morning after when we had to get up very early to drive a distance to Strahan, a coastal town to take a river cruise.  The car was covered in snow and it had to be cleared before we drove very carefully down out of the mountains.  I still remember how excited I was to see the sun rising over snow capped pine trees.  It felt like a scene from a European post card.

Each night, after dinner, the Lodge invited guests to gather on the porch, and would hand around trays of chopped up fruit.  Then the entertainment began as these huge greedy possums would come out of the darkness to be hand fed.  Unfortunately, they didn’t understand the words “all gone” and one particularly pushy creature, decided to try being a carnivore.

Let me just say, it hurt, it bled and hubby laughed his head off.  (Very sympathetic man I married)  I was equally sympathetic when he got kicked by an emu a couple of years later.

Hmmm, not sure if that last line helped my argument that Aussie animals are not that scary.

Oh oh, I think SD might be slipping out of the ropes wanting his blog back.  This is where I quickly pimp myself again  (hey I read his book, it is totally allowable) and invite you to pop over sometime and visit me.

You will find lots of pics of food and my art (I draw and paint), stories of my adventures, and even the occasional photo of koalas, kangaroos and other man eating marsupials.  Oh and lizards….I love lizards..and spiders…..and bugs……..

OK, OK, I’m going….can I just mention the half naked firemen too? …… no?  bother.

Thanks Mynx!  So, Simpletons.. if you are not intrigued enough by half naked firemen to go check out Mynx at her own blog, then there is something wrong with you. 


Either that or you are a dude, more specifically a straight dude…  like me.  I guess that would probably keep you from clicking over huh?  Well do it anyway!

SD


Ye Olde Half Arsed Post

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 18-09-2011

I’m half assing it again today…

I scored some free passes to the local Renaissance Festival from my work and the Lady Friend and I went and checked it out on Saturday.  She had been a few times in recent years but I hadn’t been to the Renaissance Fest in at least 10 years.  It was actually pretty fun.

No I didn’t wear a tunic and tights.  And no the Lady Friend didn’t dress up like a beer wench.  We save those outfits for the privacy of our bedroom.  But yes, plenty of people were dressed up.  And even some dogs.  Poor little dumb animals. 

Nope, they don’t all look like this

We saw a couple good shows there and ate lots of great food…  plus a handful of beers.  A pretty good way to spend an afternoon.  And now today I plan to sit on the couch and watch football all day.  An even better way to spend an afternoon.

One more thing…  be sure to come back on Monday for a special surprise.  Something that is extremely rare.  So rare that it has happened only a handful of times in the 250+ posts I have had here at TheSimpleDude.com.

I’m having a guest poster.  And it’s not just any guest…  it’s my favorite Aussie.

Well, my favorite Aussie AFTER Angus Young that is:

So come back tomorrow to read about my SECOND favorite Aussie!

SD


Pecker Jokes Never Get Old To Me

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 15-09-2011

I don’t have time for a long post today… I have to race into work, do a few quick things this morning and then sneak out to golf.  Well, I guess it’s not really sneaking since it involves six of my co-workers.  Someone, somewhere will notice we’re gone.  Oh well!

What sucks is the weather… it’s nice and sunny today but the high temp is only about 58 degrees (15 degrees Celsius for you crazy Canadians) so it’ll be chilly out there.  Of course as luck would have it, the next five days are all warmer then today will be.  Why did we pick today again?

Anyway… I have a new post over at Sprocket Ink.  I’ll admit, it’s not one of my all time best posts over there.  It’s about the dude who was voted in to replace Anthony Weiner, you remember him right?  The dick-pic-tweeting Congressman.  The upside is that I worked a bunch of silly penis puns into the article so CLICK HERE TO READ IT and maybe you can try to spot them all!

Also wanted to say thanks to all of you who commented on my last post about me being a Magnet For Morons.  I was laughing out loud at your comments…  you truly are the best of the best.

Thanks Simpletons!

SD


I Am A Magnet For Morons

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 13-09-2011

Do you have a special talent?  Something you do better than all your friends?  For a long time I wasn’t sure if I had one.  I have a friend who is a great guitar player.  I have another friend who can fix anything on a car… a regular grease monkey.

But I’ve never had that one thing that I am really great at.  I am GOOD at some things, but not great.  I’m a pretty good pool player.  I know a shitload about music from the 1960s through the 1980s.  But I can’t say I am the BEST at anything.

Or so I thought.

A couple weeks ago the Lady Friend took me to see a concert at a local casino.  She likes her rock music and I like to gamble.  So it was perfect.  Something happened that night that happens a lot, and I am starting to think it just may be MY THING, that one thing that I am better at than anyone else.

I attract goofball, weirdo, nutcase idiots.  Seriously… I am a Magnet For Morons.

Not only did I live next to Mr. & Mrs. Moron themselves, but on a nearly daily basis I have morons approach me and want to tell me random bullshit.

Here are some examples:

1.  There was a guy standing in front of us at the concert.  He turned randomly to ask if he could get us some drinks.  I said, “Ummm..  no.”  And it’s not like he was blindly hitting on either of us – he was with his wife.  Then he asked me something stupid that I don’t even remember.  How about you just leave me alone huh?  I don’t need some goof putting roofies in my beer.

2.  Last Thursday I went golfing with co-workers – any excuse to not work right?  I beat them to the course, and while waiting for them some guy walks by me.  He asks if I am a big St. Louis Cardinals fan.  I say “no, not particularly.”  It took me a second to remember I was wearing a Cardinals hat.  I have lots of sports shirts and hats for various teams, it doesn’t mean I am a huge fan of those teams.  I probably just liked the look.

He then spends five minutes telling me how the Cardinals and Yankees used to always play each other in the World Series back in the day.  Like I give a shit.  I didn’t encourage this or ask for it, but here he was and I couldn’t shake him.  Finally my friends showed up and he left.

3.  A few weeks back I was out for a run when a dude pulled up next to me on his old school 10 speed bike.  I was listening to music but he obviously had something to say so I shut off the tunes.  For the next half mile I’m running he rolls along next to me, telling me about how you have to do cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes for it to be at all effective.

I happen to know a few things about fitness and staying in shape.  And no buddy, you don’t NEED to be in the cardio zone for 30 minutes.  Yes, you’ll burn more calories that way, but all in all what he was saying was wrong.  If you only have 20 minutes to spare you’ll still burn calories.  But I knew if I disagreed with this jackass he’d never leave me alone so I thanked him for the tips and eventually he rode on. 

These are a few examples of things that happen to me on a regular basis… so… maybe attracting odd ducks is the thing I am GREAT at.

It’s not going to make me rich or earn me a special place in Heaven.  But it’s something.  So I might as well own it right?

SD