Meditate On This!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 29-04-2011

REMEMBER!

Today is your LAST DAY to get a guess in on my Amazon gift card contest.  If you’re not familiar with it, CLICK HERE and read up on it and put in your guess on much much $$ I am going to lose in Vegas next week.  You have to make your guess on that post in the form of a comment.  I’m going to post all the guesses on Monday so you can see where you stand against your fellow commenters!   Don’t forget the only requirement to win is that you are following me on Twitter: @TheSimpleDude or have “liked” me on Facebook.  And wish me luck in Sin City…  I’ll be there in less than a week!

 Meditate On This!

We made it through another week together folks, thanks for stopping by and seeing me.  As you’d know if you’ve stopped by here in the past, my Lady Friend has been going through something a lot of people do in their 30′s.  No, she’s not suddenly scared to drive at night or addicted to old Matlock re-runs.  That would be me.  She has had her list of friends dwindle over the years and has had some difficulties finding new ones.

All of you have helped with suggestions in the past and she has been trying different things lately.  A few weeks ago she took a rock climbing class and had a blast.  And now she’s taking an ongoing class on meditation which she says helps her handle the stresses of the very busy job she has.  I secretly wonder if it has anything to do with the stresses of dating me though…  hmmmm…

Anyway, she wanted to give an update – and I needed some blog material – so here is my Lady Friend:

I went on yet another quest to meet some women. A couple of weeks ago, I signed up for a meditation class. After the second session this week, a woman from the class stopped me to chat about how hard it was to concentrate.

Before I go into our chat, I’ll explain the distraction. It was held in a gym at a local school. The first 15 minutes were great as we were the only ones in the gym (it was divided into two separate parts). Then the last 15 minutes was the boys’ basketball practice. Creating a bit of a challenge to meditate with the balls (heh, heh) bouncing on the floor and the hippity hop music. So she and I talked about why we took the class, how the first part of the class was nice but then the distractions came, etc.

We said our goodbye’s and ‘see you next week’ to one another. But I didn’t get a number. Yeah, women just aren’t as easy as Jersey Shore and Maury Povich would have us believe. I realized how much I feel for you men out there and your quest to get women.

I will say this, and I noticed other female Simpletons who’ve commented the same on these posts, that typically men are easier to get along with than women. However, they just don’t smell as nice.

She’s obviously not talking about me with that not smelling as nice comment.  Or so I like to think.

SD


Walk, Toot, Giggle

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 27-04-2011

Hey Simpletons… happy hump day.  Anyone humpin’ right now?  Crazy!  As typical of hump days, I have a new post over at Sprocket Ink.  It’s about sainthood and how the Catholic church goes about selecting people to become saints.

I know that sounds about as interesting as a dry fart (speaking of which, funny story towards the end of the post) but I actually think my take on it is a little bit funny so I am hoping you click over and give it a read.  And as always, comment on it… and tell your friends to do the same dammit!!

Speaking of farts… something odd happened to me yesterday while walking out to the parking ramp after work.  I was walking about 15 – 20 feet or so behind this larger dude.  I was in my own world, already thinking about being home with my ass parked on the couch.

Then I heard some strange noises coming from up in front of me.  I looked up and realized this larger dude was farting as he walked.  Each step he took let out another toot, over the course of about six steps. 

I, of course, started to laugh and thought he’d show some embarrassment but I noticed he had ear buds in and was probably listening to music and had no idea that it was even making any noise.  He just kept walking along.  I looked around me and there was no one else in our vicinity which kind of upset me – I wanted someone else to enjoy this funny moment with.

Had I been closer to him I may not have been as amused – but at the distance I was it cracked me up…  sorry, farts are funny to me.

Don’t forget to get your guess in for my LAS VEGAS AMAZON CONTEST.  You only have until Friday to get your entry in to win Amazon gift cards!!

SD


My Next Tweet

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 26-04-2011

There is a website that’s been bouncing around the blog world that last week or so.  I originally saw The Bloggess posting about it, but if you haven’t seen it – and you’re one of them Tweeter folks – you’re going to to want to check it out.  I can guarantee it’s good for about 3 – 5 minutes of entertainment, depending on how easily entertained you are.  I am about the most easily entertained dude around…  so it’s helped me kill a couple days.

The site is called That Can Be My Next Tweet  or something like that..   anyway, you punch in your Twitter user name and it scans all your recent tweets, putting together strings of phrases and words you use frequently to guess what your next tweet could be.

Most of the time it’s nonsense crap, sometimes funny and occasionally just plain scary.  And you do usually recognize some of the words but it’ll spit stuff back at you that makes you say what kind of shit am I tweeting?!?

For instance.. according to the site here are some of my possible future tweets:

Now that jackass can convince her, dry humping a shitty comic that’s just barely buzzing.

They probably do sins, but I need your sister. Study: Women who push their phones.

 
Going to tweet poop. We’re like you, have named an ugly term. It’s not right.

Strippers, keg beer and the Lady Friend had the same story.

Yeah – my drunken blog post is written, convertible top down. I’m looking forward to deciding how!

My Lady Friend Speaks out.. new post: I like those rain dances & twizzlers.

I like weed or later.

I’m sharing a monkey photo.

And one of my favorites:

Simple Dude Crush.

Those were some of the more interesting ones.. you can keep hitting “Get Your Next Tweet” over and over again and it seemed about half of mine involved alcohol in some way.  Yikes.

Want to see if any of these tweets actually become MY NEXT TWEET?  You better follow me then!  Click here:

_______________________________________

I mentioned a funny quote from Justlittlecajunme in my last post and I mentioned that she didn’t have a blog – but I was wrong..  SHE DOES!  Stupid me, I was probably screwing up the whole clicking her profile thing..  anyway, this is the link to HER BLOG.  Please check it out – her comment about mentioning ME to her significant other while shopping for peeps, and he replying with a “who??” really made me laugh. 

SD


Your Guess Is Better Than Mine!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 25-04-2011

Do you wish you made more money?  Do you work for a big company?  If so, I’m sure you know that your CEO makes more money than you do.  Unless you’re the CEO… in which case, how about a loan??

That’s just the way our world works.. the people at the top of the companies make a lot more money than the people at the bottom of the company.  What you probably don’t know is just HOW MUCH more they make than you do.  It’s asinine and ridiculous… and I get into it a little more in my latest Sprocket Ink post.  Please go give it a read – and as always.. leave a comment over there letting me know what you think!

I have gotten a ton of guesses in my Las Vegas gambling giveaway.  If you haven’t seen it – I’m giving away two $50 Amazon gift cards to my readers.  All you have to do is put in your guess as to how much money I’ll have left after doing a bit of gambling in Sin City. 

On the positive side, Cinderita from The Adventures of Cinderita is guessing I will come back with $2,040.13 – which would be a profit of more than $1,400…  if that happens, I’ll probably do ANOTHER giveaway.

On the low end, Bailey from The Daily Bailey has no confidence in me at all, predicting I’ll only come back with $7.77.  That would be a lucky number but man would I be pissed if that prediction comes true!  Lets cross our fingers that she is wrong. 

Overall I am very happy with how many of you have faith in me to win money.  The odds are probably against you, but thanks for the positivity!   Lets just hope I don’t end up like this dude:

There is still time to get your guess in…  i’ll cut it off on Friday.  And remember, you can ONLY put a guess in on that original post.. so click here to get back to it. 

And lastly..  I haven’t done this much lately, but Justlittlecajunme (no blog apparently, or I’d link ya) left a great comment over the weekend.  She wrote:

“Yesterday as MyLove and I were shopping, I saw some Peeps and said,”This is what SimpleDude was talking about!’ He inquired, “Who?” Happy Easter!”

I love when people mention me to their significant others – especially when they have no idea who the hell I am.  And if anyone can claim (and be honest) to have brought up The Simple Dude while getting their horizontal freak on I will pimp yo ass!  Gotta give me a good story though.  There’s some homework for you.

SD


Show Me Your Easter Bunny

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 24-04-2011

Happy Easter Simpletons!  What’s on your agenda today?  I am spending the day with the Lady Friend’s family.  Looking forward to eating waaayy too much, as I tend to do on holidays.  Then tonight I’ll probably sit around on my ass and enjoy whats left the weekend.

Some of you are probably aware of this already…  but one of my long time followers, Amber LaShell has written a book and I just wanted to take a minute to do a little pimping for her!  The book is called Blurred Realities and it would probably be considered an Erotic Thriller… oooooooohhh..  sexy! 

It’s available now on paperback through Amazon.  You can get also it through Barnes & Noble for those of you with one of those Nook things.

And you can get it on Amazon for your Kindle by clicking here:

No, I am not being paid to endorse this – in fact I bought my own paperback yesterday!  Give it a click, will ya??

I’ve got a deal for you… If you buy it and want to do a review, you can post your review right here on my blog in the form of a guest post – and I’ll pimp the shit out of your own blog for ya too!  If you’re interested, email me.. the first one to do so gets the gig.  

________________________________________

Hope you have a good day.  Don’t eat too much chocolate.  Find all your eggs.  And by far most importantly…  leave some PEEPS for me!

Peep strippers!  Love it..

SD


It’s Time! FREE Amazon!

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 22-04-2011

WHO WANTS TO WIN A
$50 AMAZON GIFT CERTIFICATE? 

Duh..  you do!  You may be a Simpleton but you’re no dummy!  As I’ve discussed in the past, I have decided to go with the Vegas contest, based on votes from many of you.  You just need to guess, down to the PENNY how much of the money I am designating specifically FOR GAMBLING that I will bring back home with me.  The Lady Friend is the most honest person on earth and she’ll help verify it.

 No, this is not me

So to give you a little background on my trip… I have been to Vegas about 10 times, so I know I’ll spend plenty of money on food, booze, touristy crap, booze, taxis and we’re going to see the Beatles LOVE show – very excited about that.  Oh, and I may have a little booze when I am in Vegas too, undecided on that.  :)

 This show is supposed to be the SHIT.

But all that stuff will be completely separate from my gambling money so you don’t need to factor any of those things into your guess.  I’ll be starting with exactly $600 for gambling, with the intention of never spending (losing) more than $150 per day since I am there four days.  I’ll do a variety of gambling between blackjack, roulette, craps, slots and even betting on a couple sporting events.  So lots of ways to lose!

Also, since I am dividing the $600 into four increments, if on Thursday I lose all $150 in the first two hours I will NOT dip into the next $150 until Friday.  And likewise if I have a good day Thursday and turn the $150 into $250 I’ll set all that aside and start over with the next $150 on Friday.  Get it?

Hope that makes sense.. as you can imagine, I would have to have four extremely bad days to lose all $600.  In fact, I can assure you that will NOT happen because if I am losing that bad Thursday, Friday and Saturday I will be very conservative on Sunday.  So in other words, don’t bother guessing $0 because I will absolutely bring at least something back.

Basically how I gamble the money isn’t that important unless you want to over analyze it.  All you need to do is make a guess in the form of a dollar amount, right down to the penny.  The two closest guessers will EACH win a $50 Amazon gift certificate. This is not Price Is Right, you can guess over the amount and still win as long as you are the closest.  But you can only make ONE guess, so make it count! 

Remember it is possible for me to come back with more than $600 too.

If this is confusing, feel free to ask questions to clarify via comments and I’ll answer either in a comment back or in my next post. All guesses have to be in by midnight next Friday April 29th and they all have to be made in the form of a comment ON THIS POST – not on my subsequent posts.  I am not going to search for your guesses because you couldn’t follow the rules..  make your guess here. 

Oh, and speaking of rules – I make the rules for this contest, and they are subject to change at any time if I feel like doing so!

The one rule I will not change is that you MUST be a follower of mine on Twitter: @TheSimpleDude or have LIKED me on Facebook here to win. 

So…  what are you waiting for?  MAKE A GUESS!!

SD


One Sexy Dude

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 20-04-2011

This is going to be a short post today.  I have a new post over at Spocket Ink as I do every Wednesday.  It’s about one of my favorite TV shows from when I was a little kid..  HAPPY DAYS.  Apparently some of the cast members are suing CBS over royalties – particularly around slot machines.  Who knew you could gamble on The Fonz!  I’ll have to find one of those suckers on my trip to Vegas in a couple weeks.

As usual, please go check out the Sprocket Ink post..  and browse the rest of the site too – it’s enteraining with lots of funny people! 

I’m going to post all the details on how you can win those Amazon gift certificates on Friday morning, since I won’t have time to post again before then.

Thanks peeps!  Oh, speaking off peeps, I gotta get me some of them..  best part of Easter!

Since I can’t have a post this short without at least a little something funny..  I give you this sexy dude:

I wonder if that’s his Match.com profile picture?  Anyone have a good caption for this guy?  

Oh, and the Lady Friend LOVED all your awesome comments on the rock climbing post yesterday – I think I have her convinced to do a guest post here for me every so often, so look for the first of those soon!

SD