Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 25-03-2011
At my job we hire a fair amount of interns and part time employees that cycle throughout the year. No, there are no Monica Lewinsky cigar / stained dress shenanigans. Those days are behind me – I’m a settled down guy with a steady Lady Friend. Besides – most of our interns seem to be dudes.
As with any business with part time employees there is natural turnover every six months or so, especially since most of them are college students. And as these people move on in their careers they often use me as a reference. Only the good interns have used me as a reference – the bad ones were at least smart enough to realize I’d probably say shitty things about them. I have often wished some of the bad ones WOULD use me as a reference… it would be a lot of fun to tell a perspective employer how lousy the person was.
While I was on vacation I got a voicemail from someone saying they wanted to come down and talk to me in person about a job reference for a girl who worked for us a few years back. He was vague on the voicemail and since I was out of town I figured I’d call him when I got back. I’m glad I waited. He also called one of my full time employees and my boss looking for references from them on this girl. Persistent son of a bitch.
It turns out our former employee had named all three of us as references for this new job. And beyond that, this guy calling us wasn’t just your typical human resources schmuck following up on employers to be sure the resume is accurate. He was an FBI agent. He didn’t mention that in my voicemail but did when he spoke directly to my employee while I was out of town. And he said these kinds of references could not be done over the phone, he had to come down to meet with us in person.
This whole thing seemed fishy to me so I asked our HR department to handle it – but FBI dude told them he had to speak directly with the people this girl reported to while working for us. Apparently it was more of a background check then a job reference. Now I became more curious about the whole thing so I said what the heck, lets meet with him.
He asked a lot of standard questions: Would I consider her reliable, would I recommend her, was she prompt.. blah blah blah. But then he goes into questions about her loyalty to her country, whether or not she’d have a reason to hold a grudge against the U.S. Government, etc. I couldn’t really honestly answer these things – her and I never had a chance to discuss her conspiracy theories.
As we were wrapping up the meeting his cell phone rings. Guess what the freakin’ ring tone was? The X Files theme song. I’m not shitting you. At this point I started laughing and asked him what was up with that. He was a little embarassed, since to that point he had been very stiff and professional. So much for that. He said it’s normally on vibrate.
He wouldn’t tell me what kind of job she was applying for, but I’ll bet it wasn’t with the Post Office. So within a weeks time I had a Navy SEAL gun boat threaten me while on a damn whale watching cruise and an FBI agent with a Fox Mulder complex interview me.