Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 25-02-2011
This post may cost me some followers.. but frankly, if you’re offended by this you shouldn’t be following me anyway!
I was surfing around the interwebs the other day and saw an article talking about, wait for it… sex. Being the naturally curious Simple Dude that I am I had to click on it. After all it’s something guys think about a lot. I know women do too, but I am not a woman (any more… just kidding… maybe…) so I have no frame of reference there. Sorry ladies.
It turns out a big part of the article covered reasons why your guy may not be as interested in sex as he used to be. It covered biological reasons: overuse of drugs, alcohol or low levels of testosterone, those kinds of things. Then it also covered the emotional possibilities. Stress, depression, etc. It even states that the crappy economy could result in some guys not being into doing the dirty deed.
And of course there was the bad news… there is the possibility he might be getting sweaty with someone else and just isn’t into your freaky self anymore.
These are all normal things you’d expect to be causing his disinterest. Except for the cheating bastard scenario, the others could be dealt with fairly easily. But they closed the article with a last possible reason your guy hasn’t been up to doing the boner boogie lately. Internet porn.
According to said article, guys who have access to internet porn are 50% – 500% more likely to masturbate. For starters, who doesn’t have access? Unless you’re a shack dwelling Hill Jack or an Aborigine I think we pretty much all have at least some access to the dirty stuff. Right?
And where do they get those percentages? 50% – 500% means if he whacked off 3 times a week before having access to it, he would do it as often as 15 times per week now that he can watch the nasty. Who the hell has that kind of time???
Numbers aside.. simply put, if your dude is slapping his willy around every day, it’s less likely he’s going to want to slap your behind around every night.
I am old enough to remember the pre-internet days (shut up Charles) and have to admit these days it’s much easier to yankie my wankie. The days of people actually owning smutty DVDs are probably numbered. In fact, it boggles my mind how that industry even survives when so much of that crap is easily found on the net for FREE. Who is actually paying for it anymore?
Anyway, the moral of the story is if you want a better sex life, then consider disconnecting your guy’s internet. And take away his phone. And iPad or similar device. And don’t let him use a computer at work or get emails from his buddies. Basically send him back to 1990, but with less mullet.
Incidentally, this post is dedicated to Thundercat, as any posts about porn should be.
And if you’re still feeling frisky.. both Jewels and Cinderita have their own porn posts going on today!
Oh, and check back this weekend for highlights of all the best comments of the week – you guys are so crazy!
SD
If people still pay for porn they are beyond dumbos.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:37 pm
So true….it really is.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:43 pm
Maybe I've been living under a rock, but I have no clue how to find free porn. Do they teach you that in the boy's sex ed class? Cause I wasn't taught that…
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:43 pm
This made me laugh rather a lot. My POV is that if girls don't want guys who go on pron sites then bat for the other team! It's like guys saying they don't want girls who buy shoes! it's silly because it's part of being a guy!
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:43 pm
@Ms Jenna. It's kind of complicated actually. Open up Google and type PORN. Oh, then hit enter. Unfortunately for the kids of the world it's literally everywhere.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:46 pm
I'm guessing there are people who'd rather put money towards porn DVD's than money towards having their hard-drives cleaned of all the viruses and trojan horses and worms and spyware. *shrug*
Kinda like prostitution.. the easier/cheaper it is to get, the better chance of picking up a virus.
Plus I know I'd rather watch things on the TV than on my computer screen. Couch=more comfortable than computer chair
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:51 pm
It's awesome that the Simple Stick Dude uses proper typing ergonomics so he doesn't get carpal tunnel. Well, at least he won't get it from typing. Yanking his wankie thing is a whole other issue.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:54 pm
I dunno. My guy has plenty of porn and he STILL wants to wiggle 3-4 times a day. God help me if he had no other release!
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@4:57 pm
This explains so much…
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:07 pm
wait..wha? i missed the memo…
freaky fucking friday is this week?
fuck…
and? there was porn before the cyberwebber…
oh yeah, i vaguely remember those days…that was fun…asking for the latest copy of smuttyslutty sex kittens at a 7-11 was always a great time!
great post!
Bruce
Bruce Johnson JADIP
Evil Twin
stupid stuff I see and hear
The Dreamodeling Guy
dreamodeling!
The Guy Book
The Guy Book
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:09 pm
Hey simple dude. Glad I came across your site. It's nice to read a guy's thoughts.
There's a porn shop not far from my house and I'm always fascinated by the fact that the parking lot is ALWAYS full. I had the same thought as you, "don't you people have the Internet? why are you still paying for this shit?"
psst. i'm following you.
p.s. despite proximity to above stated porn shop, I live in a really nice area.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:10 pm
Dude, huge post …
porn is for "kid" who don't have girl
nice post
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:13 pm
If you know someone who wanks fifteen times a week, you should help them get some help. There's something wrong with him.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:14 pm
you never fail to please and amuse me simple dude – keep um cumming
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:22 pm
If a guy is paying for porn on the net there is obviously lack of communication between him and his significant other… and if there isn't, then as someone above said, 'he's just being a guy'… and u r right if he is lookin' at porn he is whackin' off…
@Chanel: I totally agree w/you but, if he's whackin' off that much, no amt. of therapy will help cuz, its obvious he's been doin' it awhile.. He may not be open to therapy… which from what I hear from male friends- most hate therapy/shrinks
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:30 pm
I was JUST reading about this the other day. The G-rated metaphor is like having your own personal gourmet chef cook you up filet mignon, lobster, and flaming desserts every night and then you have to go back to Easy Mac. I mean, if you're constantly having private sexytime with eight sexxxy pornladies, one may seem kinda…blah. So watch the porn addiction, gentlemen. No one wants to be with THAT guy.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:31 pm
How to get and keep my attention: Start a blog post with this line, "This post may cost me some followers.. but frankly, if you're offended by this you shouldn't be following me anyway!", then do a doodle to go along with it.
But seriously, 15 times a week, who has that kind of time to surf smutt all day? Have a great weekend! – G
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:38 pm
In my formerly married life, I had many a knock down fight with the Ex over his internet porn situation. I took the offended wife position of "I must not be enough for you" he was like "I'm just killing time". And so on and so forth. It was a self fulfilling prophecy for him. Some guys use porn because that can't it at home, some guys don't get it at home because they use porn.. and piss off the real life vagina they have access to. His loss.
Now I'm much more relaxed on the topic. I say, if it gets you off but you still get me off, we are ok. Life is much easier now.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:43 pm
Oh and no, you can't do a post about real life pissed off vagina access, I'm already working on that one…
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:44 pm
Awww, I'm so sorry to hear you've had to google "where's my libido?" but admire your bravado for turning it into a cool post. How cute of you to twist is this way!
ツ my cyber house rules
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:51 pm
Let's just say, there are guys who are horny, hornier and horniest. That goes for the women too. Now, if horny gets partnered with horniest, I'm sure masturbating is one of the solutions so that there won't be any cheating involved. It's a matter of not hiding, trust, being honest and having fun. In simple words, it's all about communication.
Happy Friday!
http://brownbugz.blogspot.com
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@5:55 pm
So wait, hold on. Is three times a week pretty standard? Cause I'm thinking (in my case,) why would he even need to that much? I'm always here and always, ahem, willing. And hey, if my guy's gonna watch porn, he'd better have some good quality stuff and watch it with me. So that way, like Random Girl said, he can still get me off too!
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@6:09 pm
I dated a girl that watched more porn than me… I know I was shocked as well. Then we watched it together… TMI…
But porn isn't just for men anymore.
On a side note: healthy amounts of masturbation has been linked to an increase in libido. Just saying.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@6:15 pm
If my honey wants some brown chicken brown cow, all he would have to do is clean something. Seriously. That would get me hot.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@6:19 pm
The best site I have found to jerk off to is http://www.thesimpledude.com
It is about a transvestite midget who travels the southern states looking for threesome action in trailer parks.
Wait… did I get that address right?… *double checks* yep, that's right.
also: I believe this about the porn leading to less sex. I have reduced my porn intake of late for this specific reason. If my girl doesn't get enough sweet lovin' she turns into a nightmare bitch, so even though I miss "Chloe18" and the girls at "Sapphic Erotica," it's really better this way…
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@6:51 pm
Like "Avenue Q" taught us "The Internet is for Porn".
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@7:08 pm
Hey, I came over from Cinderitas to say howdy!
Excellent entry! Plus I'm a little puzzled about all this masturbating to porn thing, I mean isn't that the whole POINT of porn? To get off to? Are people really surprised that other people watch it to have a little self love action? You hardly watch a porn video just for artistic merit. I never got the thing where some women are offended if they find out their husband/boyfriend uses porn to masturbate when he "should be having sex with me!". They take it as a personal insult when the two things aren't even connected. I think the Internet's taken a lot of the taboo out of porn and that's a good thing.
Plus now you boys don't have to hide issues of Penthouse inside Gardeners' Weekly!
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@7:44 pm
Wait? There is free porn on the internet?
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@7:53 pm
There is some data that says that men who do a load by hand are MORE sexually active than those who don't. Same concept with married men vs. single dudes.
I say go on with you bad, bad, very bad boy selves. We are tired anyway. We'll catch you tomorrow on the roll in the hay thing.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:00 pm
I am soooo telling the Chief that SD pointed JM to porn! He will not be a happy camper.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:01 pm
You're right, you will lose some readers. Send them back to 1990, but with less mullet?! You had me at everything else, I was nodding and agreeing. Then you shocked me by telling me there needed to be less mullet. There is never a time for less mullet. Never
http://texagermanadian.blogspot.com/2011/02/storytellers-blog-hop.html
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:07 pm
wait…There's porn on here?! WHY AM I WASTING MY TIME READING THIS!!
Since we're talkin porn, check my new post about dolphin rape…cuz you know you're curious now, that's why!
http://whatwouldjareddo.blogspot.com
CHECK IT OUT!!
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:26 pm
LMMFAO! I OFFICIALLY KNOW I'M A HUGE PERVERT BECAUSE I CAME STRAIGHT TO YOUR BLOG INSTEAD OF BLOG ROLL SURFING! lol
I love me some sex! I'll admit it to anyone that listens, but (I hate to say it)…I LOVE PORN AND MASTURBATING WAY MORE! Sure my man knows what he's doing, but nothing beats sneaking off to a dark corner with my cell phone so I can porn surf and flick my bean till I pass out!
My man wacks his willy too… IN the shower…he's too much of a punk to let me know he does it. Your post is right though! If he's jerking his own chain, he won't come to you to get it in!
My man forgot to pay his internet bill once and attacked me five days in a row…but once it was on…we were back to three days a week. O.o
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:32 pm
HEY SD! Did you read Cinderita's blog yet? she doesn't like any dialogue in her porn…weird right? Especially when the scenes are so well written and acted.. Here's my fav (its not dirty it's funny i promise)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MuApS2c9nSY
I think it'll give everyone a good appreciation for the amazing acting done by pornographic…thespians.
After you've checked it out check out my blog http://whatwouldjareddo.blogspot.com I have a pretty sexy post right now myself…about dolphins
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:41 pm
Instead of disconnecting his internet ladies, just set up your own porn site and Email him the updates with photos.
If that doesn't work, something needs to be disconnected…I guess you could start with his internet.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@8:44 pm
Wait. Why would a guy choose jacking off to internet porn over having sex? I can see the inverse – if you're not giving him any, he jacks off more. But actually *choosing* to masturbate instead of sex… What is this world coming to?
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@9:10 pm
Why is it so hard for a girl to say, "Hey baby, you should get nekkid with me tonight." I have yet to meet a man who responds negatively when a lady initiates.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@9:26 pm
any man that says that they haven't watched porn are definatly lying, we all have at some time during life
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@9:31 pm
Sex has been known to lubricate joints, improve your overall health, etc…I don't think masturbation can say that for itself. Anyway…thank goodness you came across this article or what would Rita and I have blogged about today!? haha.
Like most anything in life there is healthy and then there is obsession. Porn is fine…good, hell great even, in the right dose….but NEVER better than actual sex.
Posted on: Feb/25/2011@10:37 pm
Geez, girl goes offline for a couple of days and her mates forget about her.
OK jewels and Cinders might write some good stuff but let's not forget popping over to my dark side sometimes.
Catering for all tastes mostly from a exotic quicky to something a little more drawn out.
Yes a shameless plug
Secret Pleasures
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@12:10 am
You can learn a lot from porn….honest :-/
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@12:18 am
1st. Internet porn (while great) will fuck up your computer so fast, it's not funny.
2nd. I write smutt too!
AmberLaShell's Naughty Nights
Or Just read my regular stuff
amberlashell.com
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@12:22 am
great post it is great to hear about porn from a male pooint of view well done
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@1:04 am
Just wanted to interject a female's point of view here. In my experience, chicks who watch porn are MORE likely to want sex than they would be if they didn't. Because porn is hot, and it turns you on, and if you're watching porn and your man walks in the room…. well… things can get dangerous. Or maybe it's just me.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@1:15 am
Look at the smut crawling out of the woodwork!
Mynx, we could never forget about you!
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@1:17 am
My hubby can pretty much get it whenever he wants. Hey, I'm a frisky gal. And if he does want to spank the monkey we have our own home-made porn.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@2:29 am
lol, love the post!
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@3:59 am
Great post :')
Do you think the guy who invented masturbation was also the guy who found out how to milk a cow? It's a similar action, that's all I'm saying…
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@12:59 pm
I watched this post in movie form in high school. It was titled," Internet pornography and how it affects your sex life."
It was in black and white and I'm pretty sure it was the cast from Leave it to (the) Beaver. I confess, this isn't true. There was no internet (available) or sex life when I was in High school but there was masturbation.
I wonder at the above comments about 15 times a week is too much. Are you saying you are the professionals and know exactly how much you should jimmy the lock on any given day?
If it feels good do it!!! That's all I'm saying.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@1:28 pm
Did I read Ms. Jenna comment that she doesn't know how to find free porn?
What do you do on the Internet, Jenna? Aside from blogging, I thought that was all the Internet is good for.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@2:58 pm
Well that makes me feel better about not being in a relationship. Gah
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@3:32 pm
I actually MET my Gentleman thanks to a certain porn movie we both favoured
haha, long story. And then we would both watch a movie or two together 
LOL. I love your post, so I won't dis-follow you! Keep up the good work!!
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@3:56 pm
I clicked and read this because it said sex. Discuss.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@4:58 pm
i mentioned you in my blog today – thanks for making me laugh afer crying like a baby
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@5:40 pm
I'm so offended, I am unfollowing your blog.
Just kidding. I actually found this post on accident when I was looking for porn.
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@11:29 pm
What's this Internet porn thing you speak of? I've been using the pictures from the Macy's ads in the newspaper since 1995. There is something better out there?!?
Posted on: Feb/26/2011@11:36 pm
Hmmmm…. I'm all about the free porn.
I don't think the dude would stick around very long if you cut off all of his connection to the outside world (read: internet).
Once you're together long enough, I think a part of the brain forgets what sex is, anyway.
lol
Seriously?… Reeeally??… Seriously?
_
Posted on: Feb/27/2011@3:35 am
I'm confused… there are people who have a partner fully wanting to make the sex and they are choosing to jerk off 15 times a week instead and reject their flesh and blood partner?
Seriously, diddling oneself should only be done if your partner has no interest in you.
Posted on: Feb/27/2011@3:41 am
Man, when we were kids, it was virtually impossible to find porn anywhere, unless Dad didn't hide the Penthouse magazines well enough.
Posted on: Feb/27/2011@9:19 am
First.. I think the porn industry is surviving just fine on the advertising revenue they generate by the free porn we are all watching. Where there is naked will… there is a way.
Second… while I see your point about if my guy is on the internet surfing porn.. I may not be getting "surfed"as often…. however rather than unplug the internet… why not watch it with him? If you knew the color blue made your man hot…would you not paint every wall in the house blue? Porn is the paint… find a color you both enjoy… and a wide screen monitor and have at it.
I'm just sayin
Posted on: Feb/27/2011@3:09 pm
I just saw an MTV show – True Life – about being addicted to porn last night. I know, watching that crap is dumb, but somehow I always get sucked into reality TV. It wasn't necessarily internet porn, but I think the same would hold true. This one guy had a wife and four kids. She couldn't take it anymore and separated till he could give up his addiction. The last part I saw (before I fell asleep – it was late, what you want from me?
) was that he just didn't want give up the porn even if it meant losing his wife for good. What I don't understand is that it's not like he's actually getting it and yet it's better than having real sex with his wife?
Posted on: Feb/27/2011@4:30 pm
I remember the pre-internet porn days. The days when stumbling across a stash of magazines and a VCR labelled "Do Not Watch" in your parents bedroom was still exciting. Just knowing I'd discovered their stash before they found mine brought me glee. These days it's all too easy, you just have to delete the browsing history. Sometimes I like to mix it up by leaving a browsing window open showing hardcore teen lesbians. Then I minimalise it and leave the room, just to spice up my love life and keep it exciting and unpredictable.
Posted on: Feb/28/2011@8:44 am
Have you seen Avenue Q? If not, you should.
"The internet is for porn, porn, porn! So grab your dick and double click for porn, porn, porn!"
Amazing.
Posted on: Mar/2/2011@2:38 am
Bahaahaaa… So basically, I am looking for "a shack dwelling Hill Jack or an Aborigine"… Thaks for the advice SD!!
Posted on: Mar/6/2011@9:36 pm