Oscars, Dreams And Free Money

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 28-02-2011

Hey Simpletons.  Ok, no free money.  Sorry, just trying to be sure you clicked.

Can you half ass a Monday post after half assing your weekend post?  Well I am.  Technically I am not actually half assing my post, as I have a full complete post – it’s just on another blog. And I’m also a complete ass.  Wait.. what?

Before I tell you where to find my real post today, I have a few thoughts on the Oscars to share:

Kirk Douglas was actually pretty funny for someone who died two years ago.  Come on, it’s a joke.

What was up with Christian Bale’s beard?  He was great in that movie and deserved to win – until I saw that beard.  Is he playing the Gordon’s Fisherman in a movie right now??

Does Randy Newman have polaroids of someone really important in Hollywood banging a goat?  He must.  How else has his career singing shitty movie songs lasted so long?

I saw on a commercial during the Oscars that Dana Delaney is going to be on a new show..  I’ve had a thing for her for a heck of long time.  Yeah, she’s old, but still looks pretty hot so… i’ll be watching!

Overall, it was kind of a snoozer.  I’ll always watch the Oscars, because it’s such an event – plus what the hell else is on TV on Sunday nights?  Especially in the age of DVRs.  But this year was not memorable – other than Melissa Leo from The Fighter throwing out the f-bomb during her acceptance speech.  She was great in that movie though, and absolutely deserved to win.

Now on to my complete post.  I have pimped the website Studio30 Plus a handful of times.  It’s a great website for bloggers who are at least 30 years old.  I actually won their 2011 Boomerang Award for Newbie Blogger.  If you’re not a member, and you’re at least 30 years old, be sure to go check it out.

Especially check it out today because I am featured in their magazine, which is why I am not writing a post here.  The article is about a dream I had over the weekend, and my Lady Friend’s interpretation.  Even you’re a young pup and not 30 years old I hope you go check it out – I could use some feedback! 

Here is the post.

Thanks kids!


Half Assed Weekend – Feb 27

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 27-02-2011

My week was a very busy one, working late a couple different nights and going drinking a couple different nights, including one night with a friend who was back in town for the week.  This guy is someone I used to work with, who moved to the West Coast this past summer.

He and I have stayed in touch since he moved and about a week ago he casually mentioned to me there was a job opening at his company that would be a good fit for me.  I didn’t think much of it at first, but after talking to the Lady Friend I decided it wouldn’t hurt to at least send my resume.  My friend thinks with his recommendation I’ll at least get an interview so if nothing else I’ll get a free (though very quick) trip to California when they fly me out to interview.  I know the job pays more than mine, I just don’t know how much more.  I have a certain dollar amount in mind and if they offer less I wouldn’t even consider it.  If they offer more I’d have some serious thinking to do.

I don’t have kids, so it wouldn’t be that tough to pick up and move.  The Lady Friend would join me at some point, she hates her job anyway and in her field I know she’d find work out there easily.  No, she’s not a stripper.  But that’s something to fall back on I guess.  It’s just a little stressful to think about moving halfway across the country.  I do have a cousin in San Francisco and a cousin in the L.A. area, plus an uncle and my brother both live between San Diego and L.A. so I have plenty of family in Cali. 

So I sent my resume off on Thursday.  We’ll see what happens.  I’ll keep you posted.   


Kick Ass Comments

I had a TON of great comments on my big bacon donut dilemma from earlier this week.  I never did get one of these sweet goodies, which still has me upset – and apparently just by bringing it up I have now upset many of you since now YOU want one too.  Although I hear I can get one in Portland at a place called Voodoo…  so maybe I need to plan a summer donut roadtrip.

One of my favorite comments came from Nicki at The Loaded Handbag.  Check out her blog, she’s not only a great writer but a great photographer.  She pointed out something that I refuse to share with the Lady Friend:

“So in the end you DID blog about the bacon donuts…I’m going to chalk this up as a win in her court.”

And then I also had some great comments about the Facebook Stalking App which apparently was removed this week.  Vinny C from As Vinny C’s It shared his thoughts:

“Thanks to Facebook, no more hiding in the bushes & digging through their garbage. Technology really makes everything easier.”

Indeed!  What the hell did we do before technology made our shady behavior not only less shady but socially acceptable!  Yay for progress!

Speaking of technology, my Friday post about internet porn got a lot of awesome comments.  I could have copied and pasted about 10 of them into this post but am going to go with just one from Random Girl:

“Some guys use porn because that can’t get it at home, but some guys don’t get it at home because they use porn.. and piss off the real life vagina they have access to. His loss.”

She then went on to say I was not allowed to post about pissed off vaginas, because she was going to do that.  I hope like hell she wasn’t lying.

Have a great Sunday all you Simpletons.  It’s a good day to sit on your ass and watch it get fatter.  FYI.. for all you folks who visit from out of country, that’s simply the American way. 


Lets Talk About Sex, Baby

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 25-02-2011

This post may cost me some followers..  but frankly, if you’re offended by this you shouldn’t be following me anyway!

I was surfing around the interwebs the other day and saw an article talking about, wait for it…  sex.  Being the naturally curious Simple Dude that I am I had to click on it.  After all it’s something guys think about a lot.  I know women do too, but I am not a woman (any more… just kidding…  maybe…) so I have no frame of reference there.  Sorry ladies. 

It turns out a big part of the article covered reasons why your guy may not be as interested in sex as he used to be.  It covered biological reasons: overuse of drugs, alcohol or low levels of testosterone, those kinds of things.  Then it also covered the emotional possibilities.  Stress, depression, etc.  It even states that the crappy economy could result in some guys not being into doing the dirty deed.  

And of course there was the bad news… there is the possibility he might be getting sweaty with someone else and just isn’t into your freaky self anymore.

These are all normal things you’d expect to be causing his disinterest.  Except for the cheating bastard scenario, the others could be dealt with fairly easily.  But they closed the article with a last possible reason your guy hasn’t been up to doing the boner boogie lately.  Internet porn.  

According to said article, guys who have access to internet porn are 50% – 500% more likely to masturbate.  For starters, who doesn’t have access?  Unless you’re a shack dwelling Hill Jack or an Aborigine I think we pretty much all have at least some access to the dirty stuff.  Right? 

And where do they get those percentages?  50% – 500% means if he whacked off 3 times a week before having access to it, he would do it as often as 15 times per week now that he can watch the nasty.  Who the hell has that kind of time???
Numbers aside.. simply put, if your dude is slapping his willy around every day, it’s less likely he’s going to want to slap your behind around every night. 
I am old enough to remember the pre-internet days (shut up Charles) and have to admit these days it’s much easier to yankie my wankie.  The days of people actually owning smutty DVDs are probably numbered.  In fact, it boggles my mind how that industry even survives when so much of that crap is easily found on the net for FREE.  Who is actually paying for it anymore? 
Anyway, the moral of the story is if you want a better sex life, then consider disconnecting your guy’s internet.  And take away his phone.  And iPad or similar device.  And don’t let him use a computer at work or get emails from his buddies.  Basically send him back to 1990, but with less mullet.
Incidentally, this post is dedicated to Thundercat, as any posts about porn should be.  

And if you’re still feeling frisky..  both Jewels and Cinderita have their own porn posts going on today! 

Oh, and check back this weekend for highlights of all the best comments of the week – you guys are so crazy!


Facebook Status Stalker

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 23-02-2011

Have you ever stalked an ex via Facebook?  Ok, pardon me.. lets try that again:  Have you ever looked up an ex to see what they are doing these days?  I am sure you have.  In fact if you say no I will suspect you are a dirty liar.  Even if we are in a relationship we still have at least a passing interest in what certain people from our past are doing.  And of course Facebook gives you the chance to see if THEY are in a relationship too, via the stupid Relationship Status.  I copied some of my recent tweets regarding “Alternative Relationship Statuses” into my post from last weekend if you want to check those out.  

Apparently Facebook has made stalking just a little bit easier with a new app:  The Facebook Breakup Notifier.  It’s as simple as it sounds.  If a certain someone you have your eye on changes their relationship status, this handy little App will email you to let you know right away.

So if a co-worker split with her boyfriend over the weekend, you can swoop in on Monday to console her over happy hour cosmos.  Or maybe that hot dude in your scrapbook class seems to have become single overnight.  Now you can give him something new to cut and paste.  I have no idea what that means.

Maybe this is more of a curiosity thing than a tool for legitimate stalkers since if you want to really, truly want to stalk someone, I’m guessing you don’t give a shit what their “status” is. 


I did a bunch of blog pimping in my Saturday and Sunday posts this past weekend.  But I missed out on some great blogs since the people emailing me must have had suspicious email accounts, as their emails went into my SPAM folder and went unseen.

Ok, maybe it wasn’t their email addresses – maybe my email system sucks donkey butt.  The only thing that usually ends up in my spam folders are solicitations for Rolex watches or a Nigerian Prince wanting me to help them embezzle money out of their country.  I’m not falling for that again.  Bastard didn’t have any money at all..  he just wanted to marry me for a bullshit green card.

So I promised the folks that got screwed out of their pimping that I would get them into a post this week… so here it is:

Welcome to Janet’s World – She even has me included on her “Blogs I Stalk” page.  And that alone is reason enough for me to pimp her blog!

Just Another Day In Paradise – Bruce has about 13 great blogs now and it always amazes me how he keeps up with all of them and still manages to be one of the BEST commenters around.  Check him out and I am sure you’ll end up following at least one of his blogs.

English Speaking Zone – Barbara is in Poland and may be my only Polish follower – at least the only one I know about!  Her blog is very positive and uplifting – give it a click!

Tilting At Windmills – His most recent post is about the European Hockey League playoffs and the teams involved.  Which is cool for me, being a big hockey fan, but beyond that we also get info on the cities the teams are from.  So it’s entertaining AND educational!

Beyond The Borderline Personality – Very in depth blog discussing various mental health issues.  My silly nonsense may not fit in too well with the legitimate content Haven puts out – by my button is there and I always appreciate that!

Thanks to all of you!


Bacon + Donuts = Heaven

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 22-02-2011

An actual conversation
I came downstairs the other night and was walking into the kitchen when the Lady Friend stopped me to share something she had seen on TV.  This is the story of what happened next.  
Oh, and by the way…  she is the one on the left if you can’t interpret my artistic dramatization.  
Do any of you have to put up with a tease like this?? 

Also..  be sure to check out my latest post over at This or That and find out how Twitter is saving TV.  


Anonymity and Cowardice – Guest Post

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 21-02-2011

I have a special treat for all my Simpletons today – a guest post from Fickle Cattle.  He was one of the original bloggers I followed last August when I first opened up this joint.  He is a great writer and is taking on a subject all bloggers have to deal with at some point in time – anonymous comments.

I’ve had a few anonymous comments on my blog (“I am Fickle Cattle”) before, some of which have been fairly decent folk who really just wanted to drop me a line. They simply had no social networking profile to identify themselves with, so they had no choice but to comment anonymously. Sometimes they put a name underneath their comment, or an e-mail address, just so I would know who they were, and maybe where they were coming from.

I welcome and enjoy comments like those, which is one of the reasons why I generally do not moderate my comment box. I have no issues with people disagreeing with me, only that if they do, it does not go below generally accepted standards of civility.

There are a few however, who use their anonymity as a shield from which they can hide after they leave nasty and personal insults against you. These are a sub group of readers I would rather do without. I have no patience for people who are unable to stand behind their own opinion.

I’ve been blogging for a decent while now, and though the overall experience has been fantastic, I must say that the practice of some commenters of insulting you without even having the balls to identify themselves is pretty frustrating, and, well, sad. It’s the role of the coward to fight from only a position of strength; in this case, when the person you direct particularly nasty jabs to do not even know how to start fighting back.

This is why I have a lot of respect for people who disagree with me and who do so openly and proudly. Sometimes it gives another dimension to a post since it allows for other points of view to come into light. Of course, the caveat is that if you express an opinion that disagrees with someone else’s, then you must also be willing to accept disagreement yourself.

Which brings me to my point, how do you fight cowards who hide in the shadows?

Well, you don’t. From my experience, the best way is to not fight at all. Most of these commenters are really just people trying to get a rise out of you, or who wants to grab some bit of attention for themselves. Why give them what they want? Better to ignore them.

In my case, I usually just delete the comment they wrote. I’ve since learned that trolls hate indifference more than anger. Indifference merely reflects the fact that these people aren’t important at all. To show your anger is to give them some significance. When you do not even try to acknowledge that they made a comment, then you emphasize the worthlessness of their words, which is perfectly okay since their words precisely are worthless.

Big thanks to Fickle Cattle – I completely agree with everything he wrote.  If you have been blogging for any period of time you’ve had anonymous commenters, and some of them can be real assholes – those are the ones that bug me.  If you come to my site and want to be a prick, at least show yourself.  I haven’t had to deal with this very much, thankfully. 
Be sure to take some time to go visit Fickle Cattle – he is always a great read.  


Half Assed Weekend – Sunday

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 20-02-2011

Time for round two of my Half Assed posting this weekend.  There are lots of great bloggers that added my new button and I appreciate it immensely.  I have shied away from adding buttons to my page because there are so many great blogs out there and I would never be able to give them all proper pimping.

Before I get to thanking those who added my button, I have to ask… are you following me on Twitter: @SimpleDude17 ??  How about Facebook ??   I don’t post on Facebook as often as I should, but I do send some stupid ass tweets out into the virtual world.

If you are not following me, this is a sample of some of the brilliant tweets you’re missing, just in the last couple weeks:

I follow some tweeters I absolutely hate, just to keep getting confirmation on what a-holes they are.

Its ironic Black Eyed Peas did that Guns N Roses song. Fergie has a more masculine face than Axl Rose.

 The lady friend just told me I scratch myself so much it’s like a part time job.

An IBM computer is set to compete on Jeopardy. I hear if it doesn’t phrase it’s answers as questions, Trebek is going to slap it’s floppy.

The E-Trade baby has more than 11,000 twitter followers. That’s 11,000 less people my Mensa application will have to compete with.

Tweeting the word flatulence = losing one follower. Wonder what would have happened if I had tweeted the word stinkpalm.

I’ll be damned… MTV is bringing Beavis and Butthead back. Next thing you know they’ll be playing music again.

Facebook has added the relationship status “In A Civil Union.” Why are all the statuses positive? Why not add “In A Dead End Relationship”

Some other possible Facebook relationship statuses: “Stuck With The Chick I Knocked Up”

Alternate Facebook relationship status: “Hanging Out With A Guy Because I Really Want To Sleep With His Brother” 

Alternate Facebook relationship status: “Dating A Girl, But Looking For A Hotter One”

Ok, in hindsight maybe it’s not that brilliant.  Those last couple tweets were part of a bunch I sent out Friday after reading that Facebook was officially adding the relationship status choices: “In A Civil Union” and “In A Domestic Partnership” so I decided why not add some more specific, honest relationship statuses as well?  Yandie, Goddess of Pickles aka @LilMsCreant got into the spirit and was adding her own. 


So on with the pimping.  Hang on.. let me get my furry pimp hat and diamond studded cane out.  Ok, now I’m ready to do this.  Here are some awesome blogs displaying my new button!

Amber LaShell Rants – She also designed my Half Assed Weekend badge!

It’s Five O’Clock Here – A newer blog that deserves a few looks!

The Giggle Fest – I like the design of this blog a lot, very visually appealing!

Extra Wind From The Power – Follow the lives of a gaggle of virtual dogz – sort of like a doggy soap opera!

The Big Fat Hurt – Great blog, click on it now!  Follow Amy on her journey of weight loss and positive thinking.  Plus above my button it says this is the coolest blog she’s read.  Flattery gets you EVERYWHERE with me. 

Talkative Taurus – One of my favorite followers.  Check her out, and follow her on Twitter too!

Thanks bloggers!!

UPDATE:  I just checked and apparently a handful of your emails about my button went into my SPAM folder and got mixed in with the emails from people that want me to help them get money out of Kenya or overweight British men who want to marry me.  Sorry folks… i’ll do another round of pimping mid-week.  

Be sure to stop back here tomorrow, I’ll have a guest post from Fickle Cattle.  He was actually one of the very first blogs I followed.  His post will be about something we all think about… anonymous commenters.