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Half Assed Weekend – Jan 29
Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 29-01-2011
Time for a Half Assed Weekend post. As you know by now, weekend posts get about half the views, half the comments and half the attention. So I say… why not put in half the effort? Who’s in this week?
The last couple weekends I put out posts highlighting the 6-Pack Drink Holster and a Toilet Mug. Both were part of a catalog I got in the mail that apparently was full of stupid crap that only suckers would buy. Paging through this brilliant thing I found one more idiotic piece of shit that was blog worthy. So, without further ado let me introduce you to the Wine Bottle Candelabra.
So where do I start with this. Lets say you’re sitting at home with your significant other. Or some chick you picked up in the bar. You decide you want to get your buzz on… so you open up a bottle of Mad Dog or maybe you go all high-class and have a bottle of Boone’s Farm. You polish that sucker off like the cheap ass mutha fucka you are.
And then you think to yourself… damn, it sure is dark in here. How can I fix the darkness issue in this place, and make use of this empty bottle too? Voila. The Wine Bottle Candelabra. Stuff that candelabra thing down in your empty bottle, light the candles and you are good to go. Instant romance.
What I wonder is it would work in a bottle of Jack? Or maybe some Captain Morgan? Or my booze of choice, Jameson?? Now that would be good – and it would give your candles a nice Irish touch.
Can you imagine Ebenezer Scrooge in his PJs, pissing and moaning about some ghost, carrying this thing around his old house late at night? Well, at least that makes SOME sense. But suburban John Doe and his wife Jill? No. People who take their wine drinking seriously are not going to use this… am I right?
Whatever.
Incidentally, this is my first attempt at a drunken post. Yep – got me a nice buzz going right now – and no, the empty bottle will not be turned into a source of light. I’m writing this at about midnight on Friday, with plans to schedule it to post Saturday afternoon. So… drunken posting a good or bad idea?
Since I’ve been hitting the Jameson, I am not going to highlight any comments this time. I did read them all though, as I always do… and once again you have all proven to be the best commenters on the net. Keep ‘em coming.
Don’t forget to vote for me over at Studio30 Plus! Just a couple days left!! And once you’re there, friend me! I’ll buy you a cheeseburger or some shit.
SD
haha. I have seen these before and just don't get why you would want to advertise your drinking problem in your home decor. I think Jack Daniels would look a whole lot better than Mad Dog though!
Also…congrats on a drunken post…they are just too much fun. Yours included much less partial nudity and cursing than mine usually do though!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:13 am
Okay, firstly congrats on a drunken post. It is pretty coherent, for a half-assed half-sober effort!
I think my uncle used to have a bottle-wine candelabra. Actually a set of them. Tacky as hell, the kid of matched the deer head on the wall. Yep, classy…
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:23 am
you think the candelabra (candle bra?) would work on boxed wine too?
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:23 am
HAHA! Just the thought of using empty bottles for ambiance lighting is just low enough class for any self-respecting woman would run from, but chances are she is just blasted enough to think that is too cool and the dude that has one is so romantic. Oh, who am I kidding? I married a man that decorated his Christmas tree with empty Old Style cans and lights. Makes me wonder why I said, "I do", but at least he did not have one of these snazzy things, so I guess I am one step up from moron, right?
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:23 am
Jameson, mmmmmmmm. Also my drink of choice. Although, I've been told when I've had too much I turn gangsta…I'm not really sure what that means. I'm a fan of drunken posts. It's just a matter of looking it over in the morning for those certain typos. You know the ones: Idsak adksfkj asdhflksdahfkl skdjflk!!!!!
You've got my vote over at S30P.
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:29 am
If you hadn't said anything I'd have never known you had the buzz going on. Kudos to you for that. Maybe someday I'll try mary jane again and see if I can write. hahahaha. Have a good rest of the weekend.
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:31 am
High five to Lauren! yes, it would work great with boxed wine, just take your bottle and shove it in there!
ツ my cyber house rules
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:38 am
Listen, u could sell that crap to hoodlums and high-society bustop skanks alike! It's all in the presentation haha.
Cheers to your week-end binge-n-bitch!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:56 am
The one time I had something really freaking funny and witty to say about Abe, you don't review comments. That really bums me out SD.
I worked hard on that mini story.
http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@1:45 am
Props re: the drunken blog post. Today you scored high in word pervery my friend.
The wine candelabra is a law suit just waiting to happen. Drinking and flames are generally not a good mix.
http://rantersbox.blogspot.com/
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:00 am
Totally digging the drunken post. Totally not digging the wine bottle candelabra because it wont fit in my box of Franzia.
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:02 am
This is you drunk-posting?
I am suspicious . . . you are far too coherent and persuasive! I so want to light my path to alcoholism with a wine bottle candelabra. That is so awesome!
Remember those way-cool bottles of wine into which people would stick a candle? And then the wax would drip all over the sides of the bottle and be all kinds of romantic and classy. Wine bottle covered with melted wax just oozes sophistication.
But this is way cooler.
Way.
I want.
Also?
Next time you drunk post?
I will require more inappropriate language, some sexual innuendo, and some stories you will later regret sharing about family and friends.
Make a note.
Cheers!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:22 am
purty coherent for drunk postin in my book. AND all words were spelled correctly! kudos to you sd!!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:30 am
Is that candelabra one of those lame tricks to keep people from drinking too much? To be safe, the bottle should be full so it's weighted. But, then if you want a drink, you would probably burn yourself trying to get it. I think I will just drink in the dark like I always have.
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:38 am
got to love half ass weekends they are the best
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@4:11 am
I think anything that combines a form of alcohol and fire gets an automatic "win". What could possibly go wrong? My next late night hookup may just get the treat of seeing my naked body in the glimmer of the wine bottle candle light.. although I may go old school and just put a taper candle directly into the bottle opening and let the wax drip make it look artsy. Right?
Random Girl
randomgirlblog.com
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@5:11 am
I have been enlightened. I have 2 deer heads on my wall therefore it is imperative that I have 2 wine bottle candle holders to match their ambience. I chuckle as I sit here in my pajama jeans while sipping hot coffee from my toilet mug thinking about how mundane these lightbulbs make me feel and how nice it would be to type by the luminescent glow of a bottle of Barefoot. Thank goodness for the 6 pack holder around my midsection because its obvious that I'm outta wine. Thanks Simple Dude you're a lifesaver.
http://bushman-asimplelife.blogspot.com/
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@12:41 pm
You'd make a million dollars with this in Bob G.'s neighborhood! Makes use of the bottle of Ripple and saves money on lighters and matches for the crack pipes!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:00 pm
Hm, I didn't realize that you could friend people at Studio 30+. But then I'm still sore from the chicken suit spanking I got on my first visit, so I've been careful of what I touch over there.
Wine bottle candelabra: For when you want to have a really hot date night.
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@3:21 pm
I think you're just pissed you didn't think of this brilliant idea first!! Love your blog!!
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@4:13 pm
Seriously, you have got to tell me the name of this catalog. I like to do my Christmas shopping early.
a bitch called mom
Posted on: Jan/30/2011@11:54 pm
Damn thing wouldn't work on a six-pack of PBR.
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@12:12 am
Hey Bushman i can so beat you out with the deer heads. In my living room alone we have six, and the master bedroom has two. Ha take that, jk jk.
This is perfect for our house, because we tend to have alot of empty bottles laying around our house. What can i say we prefer the buzz to being sober.
Trying to buy the beer belt now, my brothers birthday is coming up and i just cannot resist gag gifts. Nice job, you sounded more sober than me when i am. LMAO *claps hands*
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@1:01 am
Love the half-drunken post. And…ah hem…the wine bottle candelabra (sp?). I maybe half buzzed myself right now. Okay, I am. But I have been looking for something to do with empty wine bottles other than recyle them. Now, thanks to you, I have a great Christmas gift idea for EVERYONE I know.
P.S.- Your Blog rocks!
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@1:14 am
i drunk post al th etime…hell i drunk comment as well…
wait. what? more wine…
oh yeah…i may be drunk right5 now!
damn the spellidachecker ad botoms up!
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Posted on: Jan/31/2011@4:56 am
If I used a candelabra for every bottle of alcohol I consumed I'm pretty sure i'd light my house on fire….I always though mixing fire and alcohol would lead to scorched eyebrows or some other malady…
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@12:39 pm
This is DEFINITELY a party maker. I mean c'mon, who would ever want to tell guests, "Hey. Want some chardonnay?" when they can say, "Hey bitches! Prep your palate for some FIRE WINE!"
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@2:59 pm
The only thing that could make this candelabra classier would be a highlighter on the inside of that bottle. Muah! C'est magnifique!
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@3:19 pm
You just solved my wedding centerpiece dilemma. Thanks.
Posted on: Jan/31/2011@3:40 pm
This is the kind of thing you get when you leave drunk people unattended. I vaguely (I do mean vaguely, since this was way back in the 60s or 70s. I'm not showing my age that much.) They used to put candles in a wine bottle and let them drip down creating the towering, multi-colored, wax mountain thing. In fact I think they made candles just for that purpose. Maybe this is the upper class version of that low class redneck kind of thing.
Posted on: Mar/5/2011@12:25 am