Opening Up The Simple Dude Vault Today

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 24-12-2010

Merry Flippin’ Christmas everyone!  I’ll be spending tomorrow with the Lady Friend’s family.  Am I excited?  Uhh.. that may be over-stating it.  But it will be fun.  As for today we are going to have dinner and open our presents to each other here shortly…  wish me luck on getting one of those ugly ass Monkey Ornaments.  Or some cheese.  

Since I’ve gained so many new followers in the last couple months I am going to Half Ass it for the next couple days and open up the Simple Dude vault with a couple re-posts.  This one was from September.  At one point I considered doing a We Are All Screwed Mondays series of posts as I could have found PLENTY of examples.  But as time went on I just had other shit to say I guess.  

So without further adieu..  here it is:  
(does my French impress you?  Before you say yes, it’s probably misspelled.)  

We Are All Screwed

What do you think about the future of our society?  

Occasionally you see bright uplifting stories of humans helping humans in
unusual situations. Or see a group of bright teens working together on some special project that raises money for terminally ill kids, homeless vets or cats with severe arthritis that doesn’t allow them to lick themselves. Then there are the smart little spelling bee nerds but I am not convinced those kids will all have positive impacts. I always watch trying to pick out the future postal worker shooting spree assholes. Seriously… take a look next time. Some of those little geeks are a B+ on their report cards away from building a pipe bomb. 

For every positive thing we see about where we are heading, there seem to be five more telling us we are all fucked. And not in the good sloppy way. The other day I was at a local bar, nothing fancy.. in fact its a shit hole. Not a place I frequent at all. The decor hasn’t changed in probably 25 years which is a real shame because that means 25 years of beer and body fluids spilled into the carpet. Despite being hungry I chose to drink my dinner that night based on the looks of the menu in the picture I took below, both in the wide view and the closeup. 

Ok, I know they don’t really serve mice there or “miced lettuce”. Obviously thats a typo, a very unfortunate one, but a typo nonetheless. I am pretty sure the food there sucks but the true reason I would not eat there (or maybe drink there again) is because they are so stupid they didn’t catch this typo or re-print the menus once they did. It’s not like it’s a period instead of a comma or something.. it says MICED LETTUCE for shits sake. This is the kind of thing I would send into Jay Leno if I didn’t think he was such a douche. 

Here in Minnesota we do someting that I don’t think too many other states do. For repeat DUI offenders, to let them keep their drivers license they have to  put special plates on their cars. I don’t know all the specifics of this, i’m not a lawyer or a drunk. But I do know the plates all begin with the letters WK or WD or something like that and we all know exactly what they are as soon as we see them… we call them “whiskey plates“. So instead of flipping the bird to someone who cuts you off with whiskey plates, the customary thing to do is give them the old thumb and pinky finger “tipping back a beer” sign. Probably an asshole thing to do, but it’s kinda funny. Anyway.. the other day I saw a TAXI driving with whiskey plates so I had to snap a pic, and blew up the plate so you can see it better.  Aren’t these guys who we call when WE are drunk?? 

So in just one short week I find two prime examples of why we are all fucked. As much as I hate to say it… there will probably be more to come.  Sigh.  


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