This Crown Doesn’t Come With A Throne

Posted by Simple Dude | Posted in Uncategorized | Posted on 23-10-2010

I’ve recently seen a bunch of bloggers sharing their dental experiences.  We’ve all had bad things happen in a dentist chair and I can’t imagine anyone who enjoys those visits.  Personally i’d rather spend the day trying to eat my own foot then go to the dentist – but when you consider the alternative, having healthy teeth ain’t such a bad thing..  i’m jus’ sayin’.  
When I was a kid I took good care of my teeth and didn’t have any cavities at all until I was about 20 years old.  But as so often happens when you get into your 20s and can make decisions for yourself I decided “fuck that prick and his white coat” and didn’t go to the dentist for maybe 5 years.  When I finally did go I got some bad news… I needed TWO root canals.  Ugh.  I didn’t know what the hell a root canal was but it didn’t sound good.  If you are not in the know, it means the tooth is a lost cause.. so they have to “kill” it by eliminating the nerve ending.  No fun.  So then you need to get a fake crown to replace the one they wipe out.  This part isn’t such a bad thing…a crown will never get a cavity, it will never get get coffee or nicotine stains and it looks just like the real deal.  
So over the course of three appointments I had the root canals, was molded for new crowns and then had the permanent fake teeth installed.  One of them is way in the back of my mouth so I had my mouth stretched open like a fuckin’ baby bird for about an hour each time I was in ‘the chair’ but the other one was just to the right of my two front teeth on top.  So that wasn’t as bad since the dentist and his minions didn’t have to have their latex hands down my throat to get at it.  When all was said and done my insurance only covered about half the work, leaving me out of pocket about $800.
Then about a year later I was sitting at work, pretending to keep busy while eating a bagel sandwich.  I absentmindedly bit into it and heard a crunch.  I thought maybe there was something hard in the bagel I was biting into and decided to spit it out.  Nope, it wasn’t the bagel.  The crown in the front of my mouth BROKE OFF.  Luckily I didn’t swallow it.  The good thing is that the tooth was dead (see above) so there was no pain… no feeling at all really.  Other then the rising anger towards my damn dentist. 
I called them immediately and they said they were pretty busy that day and asked if I could come in tomorrow.  “Uhh… NO.  I look like a fucking Jerry Springer guest – you’re going to have to squeeze me in today!”  Which they did fortunately.  They put it back on temporarily then a week later I went back and they reattached it with a little steel post they embedded into my upper jaw.  Seriously.  It shows up on x-rays.  Fortunately not big enough to cause airport trouble and put me on a no-fly list.  The dentist actually wanted to charge me for the “repairs”.  I wasn’t hearing any of that noise… it was their shitty work that caused it in the first place.  Plus they had pulled enough money out of this mouth.  
That was probably 10 years ago and since then I’ve had just one cavity – and make regular visits to that bastard sadist and his white coat.  Not taking any chances there. 

SD 

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